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Banana Slug Sex
Posted by Dr. Science on 02/12/2014
How do banana slugs mate?
———- from Sagebrush Shorty of Detroit, MI
With great reluctance. Science has established that banana slugs find themselves just as repulsive as we do. Yet, in order for the species to survive, they must mate. Since no one but a banana slug would be willing to do the job, it falls on reluctant banana slugs to breed with each other. Contrary to popular belief, the slime you see on a slug has nothing to do with reproduction; it has to do with revulsion. It’s the liquid result of a creature literally trying to crawl out of its own skin in an effort to run away from its reproductive duties. So the next time you see a slimy banana slug half-heartedly crawling toward another of its kind, put them both out of their misery. They’ll understand.
With great reluctance. Science has established that banana slugs find themselves just as repulsive as we do. Yet, in order for the species to survive, they must mate. Since no one but a banana slug would be willing to do the job, it falls on reluctant banana slugs to breed with each other. Contrary to popular belief, the slime you see on a slug has nothing to do with reproduction; it has to do with revulsion. It’s the liquid result of a creature literally trying to crawl out of its own skin in an effort to run away from its reproductive duties. So the next time you see a slimy banana slug half-heartedly crawling toward another of its kind, put them both out of their misery. They’ll understand. Left Button/Right Button
Posted by Dr. Science on 12/30/2013
Why do women’s shirts button on the left and men’s shirts button on the right?
———- from John Sjoberg of Iowa City, IA
This has to do with the left brain/right brain thing. At one time, fashion designers from Italy designed shirts for men which buttoned on the left.The country was left nearly depopulated when thousands of men strangled intheir own clothing, their sleeves tied around their throats. Some victims had actually tried to put their heads through a button hole. When women were forced to wear right-buttoned clothing, they burned their underwear,screamed through bullhorns and created long, meaningless “dance poems.”Luckily, the Nehru jacket was introduced just in time, and the reaction it caused made everyone forget about alternative buttoning. Yes, men and women are different. If we forget that scientific fact, it spells big trouble, more dance poems and hapless, strangled macho.
This has to do with the left brain/right brain thing. At one time, fashion designers from Italy designed shirts for men which buttoned on the left.The country was left nearly depopulated when thousands of men strangled intheir own clothing, their sleeves tied around their throats. Some victims had actually tried to put their heads through a button hole. When women were forced to wear right-buttoned clothing, they burned their underwear,screamed through bullhorns and created long, meaningless “dance poems.”Luckily, the Nehru jacket was introduced just in time, and the reaction it caused made everyone forget about alternative buttoning. Yes, men and women are different. If we forget that scientific fact, it spells big trouble, more dance poems and hapless, strangled macho. The Intelligence of Raccoons
Posted by Dr. Science on 12/27/2013
If raccoons are so smart, how come they have to eat my garbage?
———- from Justin Friedow of Columbia, MO
As anyone who’s familiar with the furry masked bandits may know, raccoons are the stock brokers of the animal kingdom. So instead of rifling your garbage can for food, they’re actually looking for a current issue of the Wall Street Journal or one of those start-up magazines. Raccoons would much rather eat in restaurants than devour your garbage, and they know as well as anyone that money makes the world go round. Science once thought raccoons washed their food before they ate it, but now we know their vigorous hand rubbing in water is a desperate attempt to remove their fingerprints. A lone raccoon, by the way, can easily open a backpack at a campground, while a gang of raccoons – one steering and two working the pedals – can steal a car. So if all those raccoons are doing is stealing your garbage and old Fortune Magazines, consider yourself lucky.
As anyone who’s familiar with the furry masked bandits may know, raccoons are the stock brokers of the animal kingdom. So instead of rifling your garbage can for food, they’re actually looking for a current issue of the Wall Street Journal or one of those start-up magazines. Raccoons would much rather eat in restaurants than devour your garbage, and they know as well as anyone that money makes the world go round. Science once thought raccoons washed their food before they ate it, but now we know their vigorous hand rubbing in water is a desperate attempt to remove their fingerprints. A lone raccoon, by the way, can easily open a backpack at a campground, while a gang of raccoons – one steering and two working the pedals – can steal a car. So if all those raccoons are doing is stealing your garbage and old Fortune Magazines, consider yourself lucky. Crash and Burn
Posted by Dr. Science on 12/23/2013
Why do meteors fall down instead of up?
———- from Patrick McDaniel of Leavenworth, KS
Meteors are the most clinically depressed of astral bodies. They have but one hope, one goal…and that’s to crash and burn as spectacularly as possible — sort of like America On Line not that long ago. Attempts to provide counseling or intervention for suicidal meteors have proven fruitless. Only Carl Sagan, the great humanitarian, had the power to continute working with meteors until his recent passing. All other so-called social scientists got discouraged and gave up. Sagan and his buddies Leonard Nimoy and Dr. Joyce Brothers encouraged meteors to “fly like eagles.” Perhaps that’s why one hasn’t hit an American surface in months. I’ve passed along a prototype rocket that would fire a Prozac payload into the meteors, thus reversing their moods. But NASA is whining about funding once again. It’s all in the life of a scientist, I guess.
Meteors are the most clinically depressed of astral bodies. They have but one hope, one goal…and that’s to crash and burn as spectacularly as possible — sort of like America On Line not that long ago. Attempts to provide counseling or intervention for suicidal meteors have proven fruitless. Only Carl Sagan, the great humanitarian, had the power to continute working with meteors until his recent passing. All other so-called social scientists got discouraged and gave up. Sagan and his buddies Leonard Nimoy and Dr. Joyce Brothers encouraged meteors to “fly like eagles.” Perhaps that’s why one hasn’t hit an American surface in months. I’ve passed along a prototype rocket that would fire a Prozac payload into the meteors, thus reversing their moods. But NASA is whining about funding once again. It’s all in the life of a scientist, I guess. Imagination Figments
Posted by Dr. Science on 12/20/2013
How can someone have a figment of an imagination?
———- from Abbecreek@aol.com of The Internet
The word figment was coined by the Bureau of Standards of weights and measurements. When you offer people a penny for their thoughts, a figment is what you get. A figment, in that way, is similar to a quark or photon. It takes billions and billions of figments to make what science can then call a “train” of thought, which travels on what is termed the “attention span.” Sometimes, due to MTV or mad cows, that “span” breaks. When this happens and you offer someone a penny for her or his thoughts, the response will be a simple “huh” or “I forget.” Attention spans are very brief and fragile these days; people blame the Internet or TV. I blame inflation. A penny just can’t buy a figment these days. These days a figment will run you 5 or 6 bucks retail, and it’s not even discounted at Fry’s or Circuit City.
The word figment was coined by the Bureau of Standards of weights and measurements. When you offer people a penny for their thoughts, a figment is what you get. A figment, in that way, is similar to a quark or photon. It takes billions and billions of figments to make what science can then call a “train” of thought, which travels on what is termed the “attention span.” Sometimes, due to MTV or mad cows, that “span” breaks. When this happens and you offer someone a penny for her or his thoughts, the response will be a simple “huh” or “I forget.” Attention spans are very brief and fragile these days; people blame the Internet or TV. I blame inflation. A penny just can’t buy a figment these days. These days a figment will run you 5 or 6 bucks retail, and it’s not even discounted at Fry’s or Circuit City. 