Animal Magnetism
Does animal magnetism affect the earth’s magnetic field?
———- from Naomi T. of Chicago
Animal magnetism is made by rubbing a cat’s fur backwards. It can also be made by rubbing amber with a cloth, but it very much depends on Amber’s mood. In small quantities, the earth’s magnetic field is not affected. But if you could somehow put 5,000 cats in a room and rub all their fur backwards simultaneously, the earth would tilt on its axis and fall into the sun. Research indeicates the Soviets were working on a magnetic cat bomb. Keeping up, even now, we’re planning to send our own cats into space on Kit Kat 12. Scientists in the know think this is at least as practical as that Star Wars deal and will go a long way towards eliminating strays from the neighborhood. Hope this answers your question.
Animal magnetism is made by rubbing a cat’s fur backwards. It can also be made by rubbing amber with a cloth, but it very much depends on Amber’s mood. In small quantities, the earth’s magnetic field is not affected. But if you could somehow put 5,000 cats in a room and rub all their fur backwards simultaneously, the earth would tilt on its axis and fall into the sun. Research indeicates the Soviets were working on a magnetic cat bomb. Keeping up, even now, we’re planning to send our own cats into space on Kit Kat 12. Scientists in the know think this is at least as practical as that Star Wars deal and will go a long way towards eliminating strays from the neighborhood. Hope this answers your question. Dr. Science for the Holidaze
Are you still looking for that perfect present for that special someone in your life, your ward, or cell? Well, you can thrill them to death (not actual death, just excitement) by getting them a special Ask Dr. Science gift for the holidaze. Just click over to our catalog page and peruse the fine assortment of Dr. Science mugs, CD’s, t-shirts, personal message greetings, and more.
Every dollar spent in the Ask Dr. Science catalogatorium boosts your IQ by one point, so don’t delay. Act today.
If you place your order by this Thursday, December 19, you’ll be sure to have present in hand by December 25. Dr. Science thanks you from the bottom of his Fortress of Arrogance and wishes you a very merry 2014.
———- Rodney
Crosswalk Buttons
Do those buttons at crosswalks that you’re supposed to push when the light is red really do any more than instill a false sense of complacency in those who don’t jaywalk?
———- from Michael Newman of Columbus, OH
They also induce a false sense of complacency in the drivers of cars within a range of fifty yards or so. Suddenly, these drivers are convinced that if they do hit a pedestrian, there will be no lasting effect from the impact and they will merely be sending a “strong message” to pedestrians to stay out of the way. Much in the way we sent a “strong message” to Iraq during the Gulf war, or the way the judicial system is sending a “strong message” to teenagers through mandatory sentencing for violating our repressive drug laws. So go ahead, push the button, but don’t expect that it changes anything.
They also induce a false sense of complacency in the drivers of cars within a range of fifty yards or so. Suddenly, these drivers are convinced that if they do hit a pedestrian, there will be no lasting effect from the impact and they will merely be sending a “strong message” to pedestrians to stay out of the way. Much in the way we sent a “strong message” to Iraq during the Gulf war, or the way the judicial system is sending a “strong message” to teenagers through mandatory sentencing for violating our repressive drug laws. So go ahead, push the button, but don’t expect that it changes anything. Tide Warnings
Since the moon can move the oceans up and down up to 20 or 30 feet twice a day, is there danger for those of us who linger too long in a bathtub or hot tub?
———- from Steve Cross of Minneapolis, MN
Yes, but the danger pales in comparison to the perils of excessive pruniness. It is far better to find oneself submerged at high tide than to turn into the Creature from the Black Lagoon or someone like him. After all, the tides are only temporary. Anyone can do as I have done and train himself to hold his breath for three hours or so. It’s simply a matter of slowing the metabolism to that of a snail or a TV newscaster. I used to worry about the dangers implicit in natural phenomena, until I tasted enough of the danger lurking in anything made by man.
Yes, but the danger pales in comparison to the perils of excessive pruniness. It is far better to find oneself submerged at high tide than to turn into the Creature from the Black Lagoon or someone like him. After all, the tides are only temporary. Anyone can do as I have done and train himself to hold his breath for three hours or so. It’s simply a matter of slowing the metabolism to that of a snail or a TV newscaster. I used to worry about the dangers implicit in natural phenomena, until I tasted enough of the danger lurking in anything made by man. Worm Reincarnation
Where are worms going when they crawl across a highway on a rainy night? And what are they thinking?
———- from Dennis Johnson of W. St. Paul, MN
Put yourself in the worm’s place. So far, your life has been one of continuous crawling, eating dirt and being covered with slime. You’re not much to look at, even if you had a way of seeing yourself. The only thing you look forward to is sex, and that’s with other worms. Then, on top of it all, it rains. So the worms you see are not crossing the road; they’re waiting. For your car. As a child you know instinctively, stomping a worm on the sidewalk is exactly what it wants. The next time it rains, get in your car and drive as much as possible. You’ll be doing a lot of worms a favor, pushing them into the next stage of reincarnation so they can be reborn as a Yorkshire terrier, lawyer or start-up entrepreneur.
Put yourself in the worm’s place. So far, your life has been one of continuous crawling, eating dirt and being covered with slime. You’re not much to look at, even if you had a way of seeing yourself. The only thing you look forward to is sex, and that’s with other worms. Then, on top of it all, it rains. So the worms you see are not crossing the road; they’re waiting. For your car. As a child you know instinctively, stomping a worm on the sidewalk is exactly what it wants. The next time it rains, get in your car and drive as much as possible. You’ll be doing a lot of worms a favor, pushing them into the next stage of reincarnation so they can be reborn as a Yorkshire terrier, lawyer or start-up entrepreneur. 