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Red-Nosed President
Posted by Dr. Science on 01/27/2012
Why is President Clinton’s nose always so red?
———- from Keff Dolan of Oakland CA
Unlike W.C. Fields or Boris Yeltsin, President Clinton doesn’t share their love for hard drink. The man who never inhaled is no boozer, but rather a good family man who just happens to love Christmas more than the military or the press. You may recall that Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer, was first laughed at by his comrades. Eventually, Santa put him over all the other reindeer. Well, our President hopes that Santa takes pity on him when he’s low in the opinion polls and gives him a good job like that, too, come the next election.
Dog Perspiration
Posted by Dr. Science on 01/25/2012
If dogs perspire through their tongues, why do they have armpits?
———- from Lane Powell of Seattle, WA
For the same reason men have nipples and women mustaches. It’s actually whatphysiologists call “illogical redundancy,” which is actually a philosophicalnotion that explains the presence of absurdity in nature or on the internet.It assumes an all-knowing and impish creator who has too much time on his/herhands and not enought to do. So they keep setting up little living tableausthat are the equivalent of those old “what’s wrong with this picture”exercise. It keeps us on our toes, and vaguely conscious that somebody’s outthere in charge…sort of .
The New Food Groups
Posted by Dr. Science on 01/23/2012
How come you never hear about the food groups anymore?
———- from Jane Curran of St. Louis MO
They’ve changed, but they’re still there, in a pleasant pie chart, waiting to make us healthy. And they are:
COFFEE
FISH
NUTS
CHEESECAKE
PIZZA
A balanced diet requires eathing equal portions of each food group at least once a year. For instance, a breakfast of coffee and fish, followed by a lunch of pizza and cheesecake, would leave you wanting only a basket of walnuts for dinner!
COFFEE
FISH
NUTS
CHEESECAKE
PIZZA
A balanced diet requires eathing equal portions of each food group at least once a year. For instance, a breakfast of coffee and fish, followed by a lunch of pizza and cheesecake, would leave you wanting only a basket of walnuts for dinner!
Washing Machine Cycles
Posted by Dr. Science on 01/20/2012
What’s going on during that period in the middle of the washing machine cycle when the machine just seems to stop for a minute and do nothing before starting up again?
———- from Greta McKinney of Portland OR
It’s thinking. Contrary to modern arrogant human belief, washing clothes is not a simple task. There are a thousand small decisions that have to be made. Your washing machine is dedicated to only one task, and it puts considerable resources squarely to that job. It may be remembering its own childhood, its connection with its mother — a wringer washer — or its grandparents — hard rocks, of course, in a cold mountain stream.
Washcloth Controversy
Posted by Dr. Science on 01/18/2012
My wife and I disagree over whether it’s necessary to put our washcloths in the laundry each week. I can’t see why you need to wash something your rub full of soap every time you use it. She thinks I’m being unhygenic. Who’s right?
———- from David of Ann Arbor MI