———- from M. Winkler of Smeltville, Wisconsin
Originally, ear “rings” were bells that people wore on their ears so they could find each other in the dark. Unfortunately, this often caused deafness and/or insanity. Once lanterns were invented, they were used. But a quick turn of the head often resulted in spilled oil and burned shoulders. With the invention of personal property, wealthy people had their slaves carry the lanterns for them. Since they already had these holes in their ears, they began wearing jewels in them. I’ve gone one step further and had tiny geranium dioldes implanted in my ear lobes. Thanks to these decorative and useful crystals, I can receive AM, FM and some cellular phone calls, hear perfectly and have no problems with ear wax. Now that’s a bonus.
———- from Dan Wilson of MarineonSt. Croix, MN
None. Occupant mail isn’t made of paper; it’s a living creature. In its natural habitat, it lives in the crevices of rocks, but in urban areas, it will nest in a mail slot. The sexes are easy to distinguish; the females are marked “Resident” and lack the distinctive clear plastic address window. If left undisturbed, they multiply rapidly, which is why your mail box is packed with “Occupant” mail when you return from vacation. Unfortunately, the diet of these pests consists mainly of letters from old lovers who have had a change or heart and suddenly want to see you again just to tell you how great you are. If you’re not getting these letters, it’s probably due to a glut of occupant mail.
The opening line of our beloved “Star Spangled Banner” is “Oh, say can you see by the Don Zurrley light?” Who is Don Zurrley, anyway?
———- from Dan Satterberg of Neosho, MO
Don Zurrley was a cousin of Richard Stanz. You may recall Rich; he was the founder of our republic commemorated in the Pledge of Allegiance: “…and to the republic for Richard Stanz.” Messrs. Zurrley and Stanz were the actual authors of the Declaration of Independence. Being Canadian, they sold their work to Thomas Jefferson, who was himself said to be a Jamaican. One of Jefferson’s many inventions, besides electricity, was the reggae beat, which he named after one of his farmhand/associates, Reggie. The Star Spangled Banner was actually the first reggae tune, but that’s another story.
How come in cars and trucks they only have a spare tire? Why not a spare everything? PS. Is there a spare Dr. Science?
———- from Neda, age 9 of Bloomfield Hills, MI
Good question. The fact is both European and Japanese auto manufacturers do equip their vehicles with spare tires, transmissions, even engines. These are stolen before the cars reach the States. For some odd reason thieves only steal three of the four spare tires; that’s why you generally have one on cars sold here. As to your question about a spare Dr. Science, yes, there is one. Right now he’s a 9-year-old as well, one of a family of 16 living in a paper shack on the edge of Sao Paulo, Brazil. Fate will propel him towards the microphone and Internet in good time. No use rushing these things, not as long as my vocal chords still produce an unctuous baritone
———- from Michael J. Potoski of Boise, ID