With all due respect for your amazing knowledge of the universe, I wish to ask why you use the word “hopelessly” so frequently. Please don’t yell at me, I’m only wondering.
———- from Erich Korte of Boise, Id
OK, so I have some problems with mood elevation. Most of the time, mine is hovering a few inches off the basement floor, but now, thanks to a mixture of St. John’s Wort and common cough syrup, I’m back up to where I should have been all along! Now thoughts race in and out of my brain at lightning speed, and sometimes I’m so moved by the simple beauty of the present moment that I fall weeping onto the nearest lab machine or assistant. You’re absolutely right, things are never “hopeless”. “Really, really bad” or “Imminently disastrous” might be better descriptors.
———- from Mark A. Jensen of St. Paul, MN
It depends. How often do you bathe? Take the time to examine your lint under a low power microscope. Does it resemble a small, many legged moose with antlers at both ends, or does it look more like a series of bowling balls connected by chains? If it’s the latter, it’s trying to get in, to coat the lining of the gut and possibly prevent a hernia. If it’s the former, then it’s not lint at all, but a parasite that can eventually tunnel into the brain and cause chronic addiction to psychotherapy and expensive bath products. In either case, it’s best just to let the lint “do its thing”, and go about the business of doing yours, if indeed, you have a thing to do.
———- from M. Richardson of Allegan, MI
For starters, it was invented by the famous chemist Linus Pauling. A harmless by-product of Jell-O synthesis, Vitamin C was originally thought to be simply an annoying scum at the bottom of the test tube. Then the Nobel laureate chemist found that if properly packaged and promoted as a cure for the common cold, Vitamin C could revolutionize the world of over-the-counter dietary supplements. Rumors that Pauling had drugged the Nobel committee to give him a second prize, this time for promoting world peace, are entirely unfounded. The tolerant Swede’s simply wanted to get him off his tiresome Vitamin C tirade, and hoped a second prize would do it. It didn’t.
Why do people who write instructions always leave out the word “the”? As in, “attach door to wall using hinges provided”. Does the word “the” cost that much money to print in instruction manuals?
———- from John Conery of Eugene, OR
Federal Law prohibits even the necessary use of the articles “the” or “a”. Nobody’s quite sure why such a law was passed, but it would take time away from a busy Congressional schedule to do something about it, and heaven knows we have bigger fish to fry. Preliminary research indicates that the kind of people who bother to read the instructions don’t notice the missing letters. In most cases, their anxiety level, or as most describe “the noise in their head” makes most rules of grammar and syntax irrelevant.
———- from Shannon of Langley, AFB, VA