They say that on the Internet, no one can tell if you’re a dog. How many household pets really log on in a given day?
———- from Mark Gorenberg of Emeryville, CA
It depends on the cycle of the moon. Come a full moon, many pets grab the nearest mouse and start clicking. I’ve heard it said that most of the creatures logged on in chat rooms after 10 p.m. are animals, usually domestic pets with an axe to grind. Cats usually use foul language and are the source of much of the call for net regulation. Dogs tend to be much more moderate, loyal, and dull. By the way, the symbol for e mail slobber is ampersand asterisk.
———- from Steve Perlman of Sunnyvale, CA
Neither. They are both extremely beneficial to brain cell development. In fact, people who spend a lot of time on Web TV have brains swollen to three times the normal size. Sometimes these people resemble a giant pumpkin with a small body, like a ventriloquist’s dummy, dangling below. The jerky, one frame every thirty seconds rhythm of Web TV seems to stimulate brain cell growth hormone far better than regular TV, which takes a lifetime to create a true Fat Head.
———- from Maureen McVerry of Santa Monica, CA
It would contain pornographic images of the Pope, as well as a Java animated image of the planet Jupiter, with the four biggest moons rotating around it. He might also include links to obscure pages like BusPlunge or Russian Amputee Women, but otherwise it would be yet another example of self promotion. If Newton had a web page, it would be indecipherable to all but the most mathematically gifted. Ditto for Einstein, with the addition of his favorite cartoons, probably Pogo, The Far Side, or Calvin and Hobbes.
———- from Don Byron of Sunnyvale, CA
They’ve already done it. Sure, they’re only communicating at 60 hz, which works out to only five bits per second, unless the appliance is actually on, in which case data transfer rises to the level of an 300 baud modem on local echo. If you go fiber optic and run a LAN connecting all the appliances in your house, you may find that they take longer to warm up, probably because they have a few bones to pick with the way you’ve been handling them. Imagine being grilled by your microwave, while your refrigerator plays good cop and the washer and dryer downstairs destroy your clothes as a scare tactic. Read your appliance warranties, and you’ll see no mention of freedom of speech. There’s a reason for that.
———- from Bob Johnson of Minneapolis, MN