Is it pronounced gyros or Geeros? Are gyros really Greek sandwiches? If not, how do they work in airplanes?
———- from Jeff Huber ofMinneapolis, MN
The Geeros you refer to is a slab of moldy lamb rotating slowly under a sunlamp. This bacteria-infested meat packing waste product is sold to college students in midwestern towns as an exotic alternative to the hamburger. A laser gyroscope does have certain similarities to the geeros. It, too, rotates under a beam of light, is potentially lethal, and is probably not worth what you pay for it. There the similarity ends. As a general rule, I would advise you to stay away from rocket guidance equipment when you’re hungry. Maybe I’d change my tune if those Greek guys hadn’t fired me for thinking about things and avoiding serving those whiney customers back in my college days. Sigh, those days…
Brr, Dr. Science. It’s cold here tonight and my battery’s dead. So can I charge my dead car battery with Visa?
———- from L. Dean Brandt ofPostville, Iowa
You can but the results might not be what you hoped for. Instead of your car starting, you could end up with a cheap dining room set from J.C. Penneys, a new suit of clothes, a set of Time/Life books or a K-Tel anthology of Olivia Newton-John’s greatest hits. If I were you, I’d stick to jumper cables. They’re much more effective on a cold winter morning, and the interest isn’t compounded at 19.8%. Postville? I believe I had a delightful breakfast there once, perhaps because someone else was paying for it. Thank you, whoever you were or are, for that matter.
———- from Michael Keene ofHonolulu, Hawaii
Male scientists, as a rule, are mssing that portion of the skull from the mouth down. Scientists stroke their beards to stimulate the production of the hormone “Barbisone,” an odifoerous pherome that’s the basis for the scent used in the aftershave, “Aqua Velva.” This hormone stimulates dedutive ability, giving the scientist someting to do with his hand that is not destructive to him or the rest of us. Be thankful.
———- from Wallace Smith of Portland, Oregon
I know. Less lead means more money. An unlisted phone, you pay more. Salt-free food, you pay more. Fat-free potato chips? Ditto. In some stores, you can even buy a small box which states: “No sugar, no salt, no meat, no calories. No tar, no nicotine, no caffeine, no iodine, just add water.” But when you open this box, a small blast of stale air assails your nostrils. Fortunately, there’s a new public service provided by NutraSweet and the U. S. Post Office. For a small handling fee, they’ll distribute these missing ingredients free of charge to anybody who wants them. These so-called “Care Less” packages contain lead, nicotine, sugar, iodine, alcohol, caffeine, more calories than you could ever burn off and, of course, numbers. Pages and pages of numbers…
———- from Lloyd Lindsey-Young of Sacramento CA