———- from Beavis (R.I.P.) ofMTVland
No, young man, it would “cook,” so to speak, much like a baked potato. As a matter of fact, a microwaved hamster very much resembles a baked potato, both in appearance and taste. In Russia, where microwaves were long used for espionage as much as for cooking, there’s a thriving black market in hamsters, since the Russian vodka demand has driven up the price of potatoes. Some of these hamsters were illegally imported and placed on American tables as part of Russian efforts to “freak out” Americans. So the next time you buy a potato, poke it first to make sure it’s not a rodent. If it squeaks, put it back. And the next time you want a cheap pet, try a potato!
———- from Hopalong Norby ofDenver, Colorado
Avogadro’s Number. Yes, moles have a voracious and indiscriminate appetite. They can eat Avogadro’s number of anything ? whether it’s worms, chicken McNuggets or even avocados. The mass of Avogadro’s number of avocados is called a “mole” of avocados. And the mole is full of avocados, that is, until he throws up. This process of bingeing and purging is called the Scientific Method, and it’s what makes science so much different than, say, religion. In many religions, I’m told, you eat a lot of hot air and hold it in. Hope I’ve answered your question and tell the avocado disparagement lawyers to quit calling.
———- from Big Lou Rosenbaum ofLas Vegas, NV
It depends on your personal taste. Some enjoy plain cricket juice, some like beetle juice. purists tend to prefer fresh-squeezed juice, obtained by making grasshoppers nervous so they’ll drool in a glass or by strangling caterpillars. Others use a concentrate (usually frozen wasps or ants) or the more traditional powdered spiders. Now the FDA requires that true bug juice, in order to be labeled organic, must contain at least 10% real bugs, whether they’re whipped, pureed or chopped up whole. If you haven’t tried bug juice, by the way, I urge you to fill a tall chilled glass filled to the brim with liquefied June bugs. On a hot summer day, mmm, good! (By the way, Lou, if you give Rodney the Broncos plus 12 1/2, he’ll take ‘em.)
I’ve noticed that when I tried to install my new hard drive, smoke came out of several components. Is this a problem?
———- from Rick Alber ofSanta Monica, CA
You’ve got to find some way to get the smoke back inside. Chances are you didn’t act quickly enough, and the smoke dissipated. If this is the case, you must procure fresh smoke. A soldering iron can often manufacture smoke, if you can’t buy the necessary smoke direct from the manufacturer. Ask your Radio Shack sales associate for advice. And be sure to keep a bucket under the computer, in case extra bits fall out while you’re moving things around. Often the redistribution of electrons can cause data over-run, which can damage even the most heavily varnished floor.
———- from Jill Pendergast ofSan Mateo, CA