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The Truth About the Sun
Posted by Dr. Science on 05/05/2014
If there’s no oxygen in space and fire needs oxygen to burn, how is it that the sun is on fire?
———- from Myke Muller of Sunland, CA
The sun on fire? Hah! So you buy that old NASA propaganda too? The sun is actually a giant ball of yellow orange shag carpeting, suspended a few hundred miles above earth. Smelling strongly of strawberry incense, it was taken from the bachelor pad of the god Laz-E-Boy, and condemned to hang at the outer reaches of the exosphere. The source of its heat is simple fermentation. Spilled beer, corn chips, and simple household dust have combined to produce an slow burning furnace of stellar proportion.
The sun on fire? Hah! So you buy that old NASA propaganda too? The sun is actually a giant ball of yellow orange shag carpeting, suspended a few hundred miles above earth. Smelling strongly of strawberry incense, it was taken from the bachelor pad of the god Laz-E-Boy, and condemned to hang at the outer reaches of the exosphere. The source of its heat is simple fermentation. Spilled beer, corn chips, and simple household dust have combined to produce an slow burning furnace of stellar proportion. The Origin of Dolphins
Posted by Dr. Science on 05/02/2014
What were dolphins before they became dolphins?
———- from Nathan Fitzgerald of Menominee, WI
They were community college instructors. Possessing a cheery disposition, a helpful air, and gifted with true humility, they actually enjoy college teaching, and forego the nasty departmental infighting of their four year college colleagues. Those community college instructors who fail to muster enough good will spend their next lives as school crossing guards. Dolphins are among the most highly evolved creatures, and even rudimentary dolphin poetry is said to rival Shakespeare’s sonnets.
They were community college instructors. Possessing a cheery disposition, a helpful air, and gifted with true humility, they actually enjoy college teaching, and forego the nasty departmental infighting of their four year college colleagues. Those community college instructors who fail to muster enough good will spend their next lives as school crossing guards. Dolphins are among the most highly evolved creatures, and even rudimentary dolphin poetry is said to rival Shakespeare’s sonnets. Beyond the Solar System
Posted by Dr. Science on 04/30/2014
What is it like on the outside of our solar system?
———- from Christopher King of Markham, Ontario
Have you ever been to a shopping center at the edge of a city that has suffered an economic downturn, and has actually lost population? Many a city in the Rust Belt has the ambiance, this extra-solar system feeling that makes an Oklahoma Trailer Court seem like Times Square. The only people you see are senior citizens taking health walks, and every store has a huge banner reading “Sale” plastered across the front window, even if there’s nothing for sale inside. A lone security guard naps in front of a small black and white television. The wind is always howling, and somewhere far off, an car alarm is incessantly honking.
Have you ever been to a shopping center at the edge of a city that has suffered an economic downturn, and has actually lost population? Many a city in the Rust Belt has the ambiance, this extra-solar system feeling that makes an Oklahoma Trailer Court seem like Times Square. The only people you see are senior citizens taking health walks, and every store has a huge banner reading “Sale” plastered across the front window, even if there’s nothing for sale inside. A lone security guard naps in front of a small black and white television. The wind is always howling, and somewhere far off, an car alarm is incessantly honking. Cajun Crawlers
Posted by Dr. Science on 04/28/2014
What is the scientific name for a short- horned grasshopper, a leaf-legged bug, and a stinkbug? Have you ever heard of a lovebug? In Louisiana they are here all summer but when I try to find them in an encyclopedia they are not there. If you can, give me the insect order and scientific name of a lovebug?
———- from Amber Craig of Lafayette, La.
The scientific name for all insects from Louisiana is “Funky Creepus Crawlus Ya Ya Aiko Aiko.” First categorized by Professor Longhair and later codified by Doctors John and Neville, these swamp insects are unlike those found in any of the other fifty states. For one thing, they can keep time with any of their six legs, and the odd patterns of syncopation produce a characteristic rhythmic pattern, or “groove” that is not heard in the monotonous sawing of northern insects. As a rule, the farther you go up the Mississippi, the less colorful the rhythms, until you arrive at Iowa, Wisconsin and Minnesota, where all rhythmic sense is dormant.
The scientific name for all insects from Louisiana is “Funky Creepus Crawlus Ya Ya Aiko Aiko.” First categorized by Professor Longhair and later codified by Doctors John and Neville, these swamp insects are unlike those found in any of the other fifty states. For one thing, they can keep time with any of their six legs, and the odd patterns of syncopation produce a characteristic rhythmic pattern, or “groove” that is not heard in the monotonous sawing of northern insects. As a rule, the farther you go up the Mississippi, the less colorful the rhythms, until you arrive at Iowa, Wisconsin and Minnesota, where all rhythmic sense is dormant. Rock Recording Techniques
Posted by Dr. Science on 04/25/2014
Is it true that rocks can actually store/record sounds such as voices, and replay them under the right scientific conditions?
———- from Van of Chicago IL
Yes, it’s true, and, in fact, that’s how the recording industry got its start. Way back around 60,000 BC, two cavemen, Johnny and Shuggy Otis, found that if they screamed really loud into rocks, the sounds would be replayed if the rocks were later hit with a wooden stylus, or “stick”, as they called it. Later, by stripping bark from trees and dragging it through mounds of charred animal bones, they were able to simulate the first eight track tape. The fidelity was awful, the rocks were heavy and could only hold a few sounds per boulder, but it was enough to create the proud industry that ultimately gave us Milli Vanilli and Menudo, among others.
Yes, it’s true, and, in fact, that’s how the recording industry got its start. Way back around 60,000 BC, two cavemen, Johnny and Shuggy Otis, found that if they screamed really loud into rocks, the sounds would be replayed if the rocks were later hit with a wooden stylus, or “stick”, as they called it. Later, by stripping bark from trees and dragging it through mounds of charred animal bones, they were able to simulate the first eight track tape. The fidelity was awful, the rocks were heavy and could only hold a few sounds per boulder, but it was enough to create the proud industry that ultimately gave us Milli Vanilli and Menudo, among others. 