0
Mood Elevation
Posted by Dr. Science on 04/23/2014
With all due respect for your amazing knowledge of the universe, I wish to ask why you use the word “hopelessly” so frequently. Please don’t yell at me, I’m only wondering.
———- from Erich Korte of Boise, Id
OK, so I have some problems with mood elevation. Most of the time, mine is hovering a few inches off the basement floor, but now, thanks to a mixture of St. John’s Wort and common cough syrup, I’m back up to where I should have been all along! Now thoughts race in and out of my brain at lightning speed, and sometimes I’m so moved by the simple beauty of the present moment that I fall weeping onto the nearest lab machine or assistant. You’re absolutely right, things are never “hopeless”. “Really, really bad” or “Imminently disastrous” might be better descriptors.
OK, so I have some problems with mood elevation. Most of the time, mine is hovering a few inches off the basement floor, but now, thanks to a mixture of St. John’s Wort and common cough syrup, I’m back up to where I should have been all along! Now thoughts race in and out of my brain at lightning speed, and sometimes I’m so moved by the simple beauty of the present moment that I fall weeping onto the nearest lab machine or assistant. You’re absolutely right, things are never “hopeless”. “Really, really bad” or “Imminently disastrous” might be better descriptors. Belly Button Lint
Posted by Dr. Science on 04/21/2014
Is belly button lint trying to get out of my body or in?
———- from Mark A. Jensen of St. Paul, MN
It depends. How often do you bathe? Take the time to examine your lint under a low power microscope. Does it resemble a small, many legged moose with antlers at both ends, or does it look more like a series of bowling balls connected by chains? If it’s the latter, it’s trying to get in, to coat the lining of the gut and possibly prevent a hernia. If it’s the former, then it’s not lint at all, but a parasite that can eventually tunnel into the brain and cause chronic addiction to psychotherapy and expensive bath products. In either case, it’s best just to let the lint “do its thing”, and go about the business of doing yours, if indeed, you have a thing to do.
It depends. How often do you bathe? Take the time to examine your lint under a low power microscope. Does it resemble a small, many legged moose with antlers at both ends, or does it look more like a series of bowling balls connected by chains? If it’s the latter, it’s trying to get in, to coat the lining of the gut and possibly prevent a hernia. If it’s the former, then it’s not lint at all, but a parasite that can eventually tunnel into the brain and cause chronic addiction to psychotherapy and expensive bath products. In either case, it’s best just to let the lint “do its thing”, and go about the business of doing yours, if indeed, you have a thing to do. A Vitamin C Primer
Posted by Dr. Science on 04/18/2014
Will you please tell me everything you know about vitamin C?
———- from M. Richardson of Allegan, MI
For starters, it was invented by the famous chemist Linus Pauling. A harmless by-product of Jell-O synthesis, Vitamin C was originally thought to be simply an annoying scum at the bottom of the test tube. Then the Nobel laureate chemist found that if properly packaged and promoted as a cure for the common cold, Vitamin C could revolutionize the world of over-the-counter dietary supplements. Rumors that Pauling had drugged the Nobel committee to give him a second prize, this time for promoting world peace, are entirely unfounded. The tolerant Swede’s simply wanted to get him off his tiresome Vitamin C tirade, and hoped a second prize would do it. It didn’t.
For starters, it was invented by the famous chemist Linus Pauling. A harmless by-product of Jell-O synthesis, Vitamin C was originally thought to be simply an annoying scum at the bottom of the test tube. Then the Nobel laureate chemist found that if properly packaged and promoted as a cure for the common cold, Vitamin C could revolutionize the world of over-the-counter dietary supplements. Rumors that Pauling had drugged the Nobel committee to give him a second prize, this time for promoting world peace, are entirely unfounded. The tolerant Swede’s simply wanted to get him off his tiresome Vitamin C tirade, and hoped a second prize would do it. It didn’t. A “The” Law
Posted by Dr. Science on 04/16/2014
Why do people who write instructions always leave out the word “the”? As in, “attach door to wall using hinges provided”. Does the word “the” cost that much money to print in instruction manuals?
———- from John Conery of Eugene, OR
Federal Law prohibits even the necessary use of the articles “the” or “a”. Nobody’s quite sure why such a law was passed, but it would take time away from a busy Congressional schedule to do something about it, and heaven knows we have bigger fish to fry. Preliminary research indicates that the kind of people who bother to read the instructions don’t notice the missing letters. In most cases, their anxiety level, or as most describe “the noise in their head” makes most rules of grammar and syntax irrelevant.
Federal Law prohibits even the necessary use of the articles “the” or “a”. Nobody’s quite sure why such a law was passed, but it would take time away from a busy Congressional schedule to do something about it, and heaven knows we have bigger fish to fry. Preliminary research indicates that the kind of people who bother to read the instructions don’t notice the missing letters. In most cases, their anxiety level, or as most describe “the noise in their head” makes most rules of grammar and syntax irrelevant. Soft Drink Experiments
Posted by Dr. Science on 04/14/2014
Why won’t a seed grow if it is given only lemon/lime soda?
———- from Shannon of Langley, AFB, VA
It will, but it will grow slowly, and in a twisted manner. Seeds grown in root beer leap vigorously from seed to shoot, but soon shrivel and turn to paste. I’m excited that you’re sharing your horticultural soft drink experiments with us. I once grew several tons of radishes in a swimming pool filled with creme soda. They had a taste that was quite…unique. I eventually coated each radish with a polymer and sold them as jawbreakers. Even today there are adults who exhibit mouth and jaw deformities as a result of that unfortunate recycling decision.
It will, but it will grow slowly, and in a twisted manner. Seeds grown in root beer leap vigorously from seed to shoot, but soon shrivel and turn to paste. I’m excited that you’re sharing your horticultural soft drink experiments with us. I once grew several tons of radishes in a swimming pool filled with creme soda. They had a taste that was quite…unique. I eventually coated each radish with a polymer and sold them as jawbreakers. Even today there are adults who exhibit mouth and jaw deformities as a result of that unfortunate recycling decision. 