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Distant Objects
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/13/2013
Why does an object appear smaller when viewed from a distance?
———- from Tom Terrific of Colorado Springs CO
Because it is. The farther an object gets away from you, the smaller it gets. This is because you’re the center of the universe, and all creation gets its size from invisible “size rays” sent from your fingers and toes. If anything is over a mile from you, it ceases to exist for all practical purposes. Now I wouldn’t be telling you this if I didn’t think you could handle it. It’s a tremendous responsibility: if you get too far away, things disappear. Now I don’t want you to feel guilty, just aware. But if you can’t sleep at night, call a therapist and unburden yourself until you feel drowsy. Sure, it’ll cost you $100 an hour, but at least you might get some sleep. Oh, yes, when you go to sleep, everything stops until you wake up.
Because it is. The farther an object gets away from you, the smaller it gets. This is because you’re the center of the universe, and all creation gets its size from invisible “size rays” sent from your fingers and toes. If anything is over a mile from you, it ceases to exist for all practical purposes. Now I wouldn’t be telling you this if I didn’t think you could handle it. It’s a tremendous responsibility: if you get too far away, things disappear. Now I don’t want you to feel guilty, just aware. But if you can’t sleep at night, call a therapist and unburden yourself until you feel drowsy. Sure, it’ll cost you $100 an hour, but at least you might get some sleep. Oh, yes, when you go to sleep, everything stops until you wake up. North Dakota Lights
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/11/2013
On a recent early morning drive across North Dakota, we saw strange flickering orange lights in the sky. Did we finally see the infamous North Dakota Lights?
———- from Rick Neff of Missoula MT
No. What you perceived as a strange, flickering orange light was probably the result of visual sensory deprivation, something North Dakotans have grappled with ever since the lonely treeless prairie achieved statehood. Native Americans who lived there long ago used to travel southward every winter, not so much to escape the cold but to see something other than a seemingly never-ending stretch of flat brown land meeting a gray sky. Contrary to popular belief, there is a tree in North Dakota. This lonesome Elm, known as “Oscar”, is housed under maximum security at the state capitol. If you’d like to experience North Dakota without going there, visit an isolation tank.
No. What you perceived as a strange, flickering orange light was probably the result of visual sensory deprivation, something North Dakotans have grappled with ever since the lonely treeless prairie achieved statehood. Native Americans who lived there long ago used to travel southward every winter, not so much to escape the cold but to see something other than a seemingly never-ending stretch of flat brown land meeting a gray sky. Contrary to popular belief, there is a tree in North Dakota. This lonesome Elm, known as “Oscar”, is housed under maximum security at the state capitol. If you’d like to experience North Dakota without going there, visit an isolation tank. Mole Civilization
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/08/2013
Are moles the procreators on an underground civilization? What is their reincarnation status?
———- from Michael Rumptz of Pickney, MI
For you to ask such an insightful question fully indicates you have moles in your family tree or lawn, if you will. Moles and humans are, evolution-wise, equivalent creatures. At least in this most scientific of countries, reincarnation is not considered to be a fact, only a religious theory. So even though moles have their own literature, dance and higher mathematics, Science cannot tell us what they did in a past life or where they go when they die. Only Shirley McLaine knows these things. To the best of my knowledge, she’s neither a scientist nor a mole.
For you to ask such an insightful question fully indicates you have moles in your family tree or lawn, if you will. Moles and humans are, evolution-wise, equivalent creatures. At least in this most scientific of countries, reincarnation is not considered to be a fact, only a religious theory. So even though moles have their own literature, dance and higher mathematics, Science cannot tell us what they did in a past life or where they go when they die. Only Shirley McLaine knows these things. To the best of my knowledge, she’s neither a scientist nor a mole. Hot Air
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/06/2013
Where does the hot air found in a blow dryer come from?
———- from Ken Kiselhorst of Atascadero, CA
I could be glib and tell you it comes from Washington or certain radio talk show hosts, but the fact of the matter is the hot air comes from Azerbadzhazn, a little noticed republic bordering Russia. Thanks to the ever present hot desert winds the country enjoys, Azerbadzhazn gave birth to what’s now called the “blow dried” look. Marco Polo never made it to Azerbadzhazn; if he had, chances are European fashions would have been influenced by the Azerbadzhaznian hairstyles, and the polyester look would have peaked around Shakespeare’s time. As to how this foreign air gets to your blow dryer, sorry, that’s not my department. I’m not a beautician, I’m a scientist, Ken.
I could be glib and tell you it comes from Washington or certain radio talk show hosts, but the fact of the matter is the hot air comes from Azerbadzhazn, a little noticed republic bordering Russia. Thanks to the ever present hot desert winds the country enjoys, Azerbadzhazn gave birth to what’s now called the “blow dried” look. Marco Polo never made it to Azerbadzhazn; if he had, chances are European fashions would have been influenced by the Azerbadzhaznian hairstyles, and the polyester look would have peaked around Shakespeare’s time. As to how this foreign air gets to your blow dryer, sorry, that’s not my department. I’m not a beautician, I’m a scientist, Ken. The Common Cold
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/04/2013
I’ve been listening to your public radio show for some years now and noticed that you never sound like you have a cold. What is your cure for the common cold? Can you share it with us or is it a professional secret?
———- from Judy Woollery of Plains, MT
You’re right, Judy. I never have a cold. Not that I didn’t in the past. No, I used to sport a runny nose half the year until I discovered the concoction I drink daily to keep myself immune from any flu bugs. In fact, it keeps me immune from life itself. It’s something so powerful I can’t reveal the formula over the Internet, but I can give you a hint that will put you in the right direction. Take the atomic weight of deuterium, multiply it by the number of chromosomes on your average laboratory rat. Subtract Darwin’s street address and then call that number. It’s an 888 number so there’s no charge to the calling party in the U.S. I’ll be on the other end, filling you in with the specifics. Talk to you then!
You’re right, Judy. I never have a cold. Not that I didn’t in the past. No, I used to sport a runny nose half the year until I discovered the concoction I drink daily to keep myself immune from any flu bugs. In fact, it keeps me immune from life itself. It’s something so powerful I can’t reveal the formula over the Internet, but I can give you a hint that will put you in the right direction. Take the atomic weight of deuterium, multiply it by the number of chromosomes on your average laboratory rat. Subtract Darwin’s street address and then call that number. It’s an 888 number so there’s no charge to the calling party in the U.S. I’ll be on the other end, filling you in with the specifics. Talk to you then! 