0
TV Glow
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/25/2013
How come whenever you look at a house where they’re watching TV with the lights off, the television glow is always blue?
———- from Teresa Fullinwider of Pittsburgh, PA
Anything black and white shows up as blue on a TV screen. People are mostly watching re-runs at the time of night you’re out there prowling around their homes. Plus, the bushes you’re looking through may filter the light, favoring the blue end of the spectrum. Could be you’re wearing dark glasses, to avoid being recognized the next day. As if they can’t see the freak behind those foster grants, hunkered down, a lonely voyeur at his rounds. To you, the Mexican cable channel Ultravision would seem monochromatic, a study in blue. Blah, blah, blah, sales pitch. Buy Dr. Science goodies. Support this crazy venture that has no other means of income. Visit the web-store at http://www.drscience.com/store.htm. Tell your friends. It’s too hot in the lab to think of anything clever to say.
Anything black and white shows up as blue on a TV screen. People are mostly watching re-runs at the time of night you’re out there prowling around their homes. Plus, the bushes you’re looking through may filter the light, favoring the blue end of the spectrum. Could be you’re wearing dark glasses, to avoid being recognized the next day. As if they can’t see the freak behind those foster grants, hunkered down, a lonely voyeur at his rounds. To you, the Mexican cable channel Ultravision would seem monochromatic, a study in blue. Blah, blah, blah, sales pitch. Buy Dr. Science goodies. Support this crazy venture that has no other means of income. Visit the web-store at http://www.drscience.com/store.htm. Tell your friends. It’s too hot in the lab to think of anything clever to say. Dashboard Nose Job
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/22/2013
Why do older people drive with their noses up over the dashboard?
———- from Shannon Archer of Dearborn MI
Science used to think it was because they’re looking for something on the pavement. But then science took the time to ask an elderly driver and found it was in order to better smell the dashboard. Apparently the smell of dusty vinyl triggers past memories. With that comes increased motoring skills. Now if that seems odd, remember that many an astronaut taped an old sweatsock inside the space suit helmet as a reminder of those crazy student days at the air academy. It takes whatever it takes.
Science used to think it was because they’re looking for something on the pavement. But then science took the time to ask an elderly driver and found it was in order to better smell the dashboard. Apparently the smell of dusty vinyl triggers past memories. With that comes increased motoring skills. Now if that seems odd, remember that many an astronaut taped an old sweatsock inside the space suit helmet as a reminder of those crazy student days at the air academy. It takes whatever it takes. Bated Breath
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/20/2013
What is bated breath? I think I might have it, and I’m worried. Can my dentist help?
———- from Mickey Bitsco of Taconite Falls, MN
No! Your dentist is in dire need of help; otherwise, he wouldn’t be a dentist. Bated breath is horrible, of course, and your dentist knows this. Imagine having to gaze into the mouths of complete strangers, while drilling little holes in their teeth. Yuck. Here’s how you can simulate the experience, okay? Ask a friend to fill their mouth with nightcrawlers. This will approximate baited breath. Then drag a rusty screwdriver over that person’s ivories, all the while keeping up a non-stop monologue describing your last vacation. When you’ve run out of steam, summon the nerve to charge your victim for your services. If you can do this successfully, maybe you should skip dentistry and go straight into psychiatry. It pays even better, and equipment costs are lots lower.
No! Your dentist is in dire need of help; otherwise, he wouldn’t be a dentist. Bated breath is horrible, of course, and your dentist knows this. Imagine having to gaze into the mouths of complete strangers, while drilling little holes in their teeth. Yuck. Here’s how you can simulate the experience, okay? Ask a friend to fill their mouth with nightcrawlers. This will approximate baited breath. Then drag a rusty screwdriver over that person’s ivories, all the while keeping up a non-stop monologue describing your last vacation. When you’ve run out of steam, summon the nerve to charge your victim for your services. If you can do this successfully, maybe you should skip dentistry and go straight into psychiatry. It pays even better, and equipment costs are lots lower. Teapot Problems
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/18/2013
I’m a little teapot short and stout. Here is my handle, and here is my spout. When I get all steamed up, what exactly is it that I shout?
———- from Leon Martell of Los Angeles
I feel sorry for you. We live in a universe that is simply fraught with possibility and purpose. What would a Carbon-Cesium bond look like? Can X-ray irradiation extend the usable life of a windshield wiper? What would happen if a negatively charged muon met an irrational number? Yes, there’s a lot out there in the real world, Leon, and all you have to do is reach out and grab hold of even the smallest chunk of it. Is this some kind of coded message from an underground political group? Or are you simply wasting my time and the computer screens of up to 5 billion potential Dr. Science Internet fans? You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Let me know when you start to whistle, though. Dr. Science cares.
I feel sorry for you. We live in a universe that is simply fraught with possibility and purpose. What would a Carbon-Cesium bond look like? Can X-ray irradiation extend the usable life of a windshield wiper? What would happen if a negatively charged muon met an irrational number? Yes, there’s a lot out there in the real world, Leon, and all you have to do is reach out and grab hold of even the smallest chunk of it. Is this some kind of coded message from an underground political group? Or are you simply wasting my time and the computer screens of up to 5 billion potential Dr. Science Internet fans? You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Let me know when you start to whistle, though. Dr. Science cares. Science vs. Seance
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/15/2013
Just what is the difference between “science” and “seance”?
———- from Dapper Dan Bertsch of Alta Sierra, CA
There is no fundamental difference. Oh, sure, there are some superficial differences. A seance is usually held in a darkened room, while scientific experiments are usually conducted in a brightly lit laboratory. A medium wears a turban and a ring on every finger, while a scientist wears a lab coat and an extremely accurate wristwatch. But the net result of both is the same. You hear weird noises and, in the end, you think you’ve discovered something important when, in fact, you’ve only been deluding yourself and others. Some money changes hands, and everybody’s satisfied — at least until tomorrow, when some more of the secrets of the universe need to be uncovered.
There is no fundamental difference. Oh, sure, there are some superficial differences. A seance is usually held in a darkened room, while scientific experiments are usually conducted in a brightly lit laboratory. A medium wears a turban and a ring on every finger, while a scientist wears a lab coat and an extremely accurate wristwatch. But the net result of both is the same. You hear weird noises and, in the end, you think you’ve discovered something important when, in fact, you’ve only been deluding yourself and others. Some money changes hands, and everybody’s satisfied — at least until tomorrow, when some more of the secrets of the universe need to be uncovered. 