Processing Words or Food

  I recently moved into a wealthy neighborhood and learned that all my neighbors own food processors as well as word processors. which should I buy first to establish myself in the community?

———- from Vergeline Hultgren of Andover, Illinois

  Buy the food processor. Processed food is essential for a balanced diet. The technology that has made American cheese the delight that it is has actually allowed the American language to become equally delightful. Proper use of word processors have given us such processed words as lifestyle, terrific, optimal, utilization, interface and e-mail – concepts that enrich our magazine prose without really making us think about anything. There’s probably an easy way to convert your food processor to a word processor, eliminating the need to buy two machines. I haven’t the faintest idea how to make that conversion. I’m a scientist, not a technician, for heaven’s sake. If I were you, I’d consult the yellow pages and let my fingers do the walking. It requires knowledge of the alphabet, and you won’t have to see those annoying blinking ads you get at every search engine.

Wet Cement & Initials

Why do people feel compelled to write their initials in wet cement?

--- Here's the answer from Dr. Science