0
Do Worms Ever Sleep?
Posted by Dr. Science on 09/26/2012
I’ve read that 12 nightcrawlers per square foot of soil surface can create about 50 tons of fertilizer per acre. Do these worms ever sleep?
———- from Rand Moorehead of Beverly Hills, MI
No, but they often go on vacation, sometimes as far as thousands of acres away. It depends on their union. Yes, earthworms are unionized, and they vacation on acreage purchased by their unions just to give them somewhere to rest and stop working the soil. As with most unions, the International Brotherhood of Slimefellows is notoriously corrupt and rivalry between grubworms and tumble bugs has resulted in violent turf wars. Troops of neutral grasshoppers were brought in the negotiate a truce, but so far all efforts have proven fruitless. Speaking of fruit, a nudist colony of fruit flies has caused quite a stir in the insect kingdom, resulting in new regulatory committees to study leisure time in insects. I guess life is complicated no matter what your genus.
No, but they often go on vacation, sometimes as far as thousands of acres away. It depends on their union. Yes, earthworms are unionized, and they vacation on acreage purchased by their unions just to give them somewhere to rest and stop working the soil. As with most unions, the International Brotherhood of Slimefellows is notoriously corrupt and rivalry between grubworms and tumble bugs has resulted in violent turf wars. Troops of neutral grasshoppers were brought in the negotiate a truce, but so far all efforts have proven fruitless. Speaking of fruit, a nudist colony of fruit flies has caused quite a stir in the insect kingdom, resulting in new regulatory committees to study leisure time in insects. I guess life is complicated no matter what your genus. Jack Rabbits and Armadillos
Posted by Dr. Science on 08/31/2012
How come you never see a Jack Rabbit or an Armadillo in a zoo?
———- from Fawn Remington of Colorado Springs, CO
They’re there, but they’re disguised as other animals. Both Jack Rabbits and Armadillos lack the self esteem to simply be who they are in the presence of humans. If the zoo were only visited by other animals, then the Jack Rabbits would be all over the place, justifying their nickname as the “stand up comedians” of the animal kingdom. Armadillos, on the other hand, are brooding philosophers, often hiding in their shells for weeks as they come up with a new proof for the existence of God. Lately, I’ve noticed the armadillos disguise themselves as waste cans, or speed bumps in the zoo parking lot.
They’re there, but they’re disguised as other animals. Both Jack Rabbits and Armadillos lack the self esteem to simply be who they are in the presence of humans. If the zoo were only visited by other animals, then the Jack Rabbits would be all over the place, justifying their nickname as the “stand up comedians” of the animal kingdom. Armadillos, on the other hand, are brooding philosophers, often hiding in their shells for weeks as they come up with a new proof for the existence of God. Lately, I’ve noticed the armadillos disguise themselves as waste cans, or speed bumps in the zoo parking lot. Smell of Rainbows
Posted by Dr. Science on 08/29/2012
What does the air smell like when a person drives through the end of a rainbow?
———- from Larry Widell of Columbus OH.
Obviously, it smells like the breakfast cereal “Lucky Charms.” – those rich artificial flavors and colors we’ve all become so used to thanks to Better Living Through Chemistry. Of course, the leprechauns that manufacture these chemical additives long ago mutated from what we all pictured. Now these Irish chemist trolls bear a strong resemblance to…your modern day graduate student. A perpetual smug, self-satisfied smirk combined with a holier-than-thou attitude, all worn by some guy who deep down knows he’s stuck in a dead end job. After you’ve made one gaudy rainbow, anyway, what’s the point in going on? That’s what you’ll hear from these gloomy Gaelic Gus’s, day in and day out. So the next time you see a rainbow, thank your lucky charms you’re not a clinically depressed fairy flunky.
Obviously, it smells like the breakfast cereal “Lucky Charms.” – those rich artificial flavors and colors we’ve all become so used to thanks to Better Living Through Chemistry. Of course, the leprechauns that manufacture these chemical additives long ago mutated from what we all pictured. Now these Irish chemist trolls bear a strong resemblance to…your modern day graduate student. A perpetual smug, self-satisfied smirk combined with a holier-than-thou attitude, all worn by some guy who deep down knows he’s stuck in a dead end job. After you’ve made one gaudy rainbow, anyway, what’s the point in going on? That’s what you’ll hear from these gloomy Gaelic Gus’s, day in and day out. So the next time you see a rainbow, thank your lucky charms you’re not a clinically depressed fairy flunky. Wooly Worms & Weather
Posted by Dr. Science on 08/27/2012
Why is it that wooly worms can predict the weather when the weather bureau can’t?
———- from Jack O. of Glen Mills PA
Wooly worms, of course, all have doctorates in weather forecasting, earned at the Marlin Perkins School of Wildlife Self-Improvement. Your average TV forecaster is, at best, the graduate of some fly-by-night school of broadcasting, like the one who rejected me so cruelly when I was in high school. Oh sure, they all aspire to be a news anchor or game show host, not a Willard Scott. They’re just doing the weather spot until something better comes along. If the people we see on TV were given jobs based on qualification, watching televison would be like watching real life. And who wants to look at a flickering square of light to see real life? You see, networks and advertisters benefit by giving us a steady diet of unreal looking people who have no contact with reality. Wooly worms may be smarter than most televison types, but their chief liability is that they’re real.
Wooly worms, of course, all have doctorates in weather forecasting, earned at the Marlin Perkins School of Wildlife Self-Improvement. Your average TV forecaster is, at best, the graduate of some fly-by-night school of broadcasting, like the one who rejected me so cruelly when I was in high school. Oh sure, they all aspire to be a news anchor or game show host, not a Willard Scott. They’re just doing the weather spot until something better comes along. If the people we see on TV were given jobs based on qualification, watching televison would be like watching real life. And who wants to look at a flickering square of light to see real life? You see, networks and advertisters benefit by giving us a steady diet of unreal looking people who have no contact with reality. Wooly worms may be smarter than most televison types, but their chief liability is that they’re real. Why Dogs Chase Cars
Posted by Dr. Science on 08/24/2012
Why do dogs chase cars and what would they do if they ever caught one?
———- from Kim Teevan of San Francisco, CA
Kim, get on with your life. You’re 40. It happened. It’s okay. It’s not like you’re as old as Dr. Science or anything. Okay? But good question… Dogs chase cars because they’re trying to tell the driver something very important. What that message might be is something the driver, and ultimately science, will know only if the dog catches the car. Unfortunately, no dog has ever successfully caught a car to transmit the bytes of information she/he had in store. Dogs that have caught up with cars seem to end up snapping at the car tires, which usually ends up costing the dog’s life. So, because one important variable in the equation has ceased to exist, we cannot come up with a solution. Science can only state that dogs will always chase cars and will never be able to get across what they’re trying to say.
Kim, get on with your life. You’re 40. It happened. It’s okay. It’s not like you’re as old as Dr. Science or anything. Okay? But good question… Dogs chase cars because they’re trying to tell the driver something very important. What that message might be is something the driver, and ultimately science, will know only if the dog catches the car. Unfortunately, no dog has ever successfully caught a car to transmit the bytes of information she/he had in store. Dogs that have caught up with cars seem to end up snapping at the car tires, which usually ends up costing the dog’s life. So, because one important variable in the equation has ceased to exist, we cannot come up with a solution. Science can only state that dogs will always chase cars and will never be able to get across what they’re trying to say. 