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Animal Magnetism
Posted by Dr. Science on 12/05/2012
What is the difference between electromagnetism and animal magnetism? When I kiss my boyfriend, which phenomenon causes our lips to stick together?
———- from Kathy Cooper of St. Clair Shores, MI
Animal magnetism is a furry, damp form of electromagnetism. Unlike its sleek counterpart, animal magnetism needs to be fed and cared for to be effective. Electromagnets can be made permanent, but animal magnetism is as changeable as animals, which partially explains current divorce rates. What you and your boyfriend have been noticing in your lip adhesion probably has more to do with naturally occurring mouth Velcro than magnetism. If you notice the phenomenon more in the winter months, it may be the same thing as getting your lip stuck to a cold swingset or an outdoor water faucet. In either case, carefully add crazy glue and then pull apart quickly.
Animal magnetism is a furry, damp form of electromagnetism. Unlike its sleek counterpart, animal magnetism needs to be fed and cared for to be effective. Electromagnets can be made permanent, but animal magnetism is as changeable as animals, which partially explains current divorce rates. What you and your boyfriend have been noticing in your lip adhesion probably has more to do with naturally occurring mouth Velcro than magnetism. If you notice the phenomenon more in the winter months, it may be the same thing as getting your lip stuck to a cold swingset or an outdoor water faucet. In either case, carefully add crazy glue and then pull apart quickly. Car Defrosters
Posted by Dr. Science on 12/03/2012
The defroster in my car doesn’t work very well and I’m often forced to scrape the frost off the inside of my windshield while I’m driving. Why is there always more frost directly in front of me than in any other area of the windshield?
———- from Brian Price of Norfolk, VA
Your car is trying to kill you. If I were you, I’d trade it in as soon as possible. This defroster malfunction is only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. One day the brake pedal will be suspiciously soft, and then when you’re heading into a curve you’ll find you have no brakes at all. I once heard of a Saab that fried its owner with the driver’s seat warmer. By the way, never stick your head through a sun roof, even in jest. Those things can close very quickly, even with no one at the control. Yes, new cars are intelligent, flashy, and unbelievably malevolent.
Your car is trying to kill you. If I were you, I’d trade it in as soon as possible. This defroster malfunction is only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. One day the brake pedal will be suspiciously soft, and then when you’re heading into a curve you’ll find you have no brakes at all. I once heard of a Saab that fried its owner with the driver’s seat warmer. By the way, never stick your head through a sun roof, even in jest. Those things can close very quickly, even with no one at the control. Yes, new cars are intelligent, flashy, and unbelievably malevolent. Homemade Bath Oil
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/30/2012
In the winter, I like to use a bath oil to keep my skin soft. The ones they sell at the drug store are so expensive. Is there any way I can make one at home?
———- from Caitlin Sullivan of Bellevue, WA
When I bring the lawn mower in for the winter, I always drain the oil. It’s a nice, heavyweight SAE 30, and often smells like new mown grass. Strain it through a coffee filter, and you’ve got an aromatic bath oil that will protect your skin from the harshest detergents. If you don’t have a lawnmower, or a lawn for that matter, you might want to try Crisco, or some other vegetable shortening. Let a golf-ball sized lump melt under a stream of hot water, and the tub ring will have a pleasant, snow white appearance.
When I bring the lawn mower in for the winter, I always drain the oil. It’s a nice, heavyweight SAE 30, and often smells like new mown grass. Strain it through a coffee filter, and you’ve got an aromatic bath oil that will protect your skin from the harshest detergents. If you don’t have a lawnmower, or a lawn for that matter, you might want to try Crisco, or some other vegetable shortening. Let a golf-ball sized lump melt under a stream of hot water, and the tub ring will have a pleasant, snow white appearance. Genetic Makeup
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/28/2012
My wife’s birthday is coming up soon. Where can I find some of this “Genetic Makeup” I’ve been reading so much about?
———- from Rex Fisher of Portland, OR
Woolworth’s used to carry it, but only in certain inner-city stores that are closing faster than an eighties Savings and Loan. I’ve been able to locate some that’s manufactured in Thailand under the “Golden Happy Blossom” label, but it’s made of recombinant DNA and recycled tea bags. The chromosomes are still there, but microscopic examination shows some of them are broken and lack motility. My advice is to skip the high tech face grease and use mild soap followed by plenty of cold water. For her birthday, why not reserve her a copy of my upcoming book about flying saucers?
Woolworth’s used to carry it, but only in certain inner-city stores that are closing faster than an eighties Savings and Loan. I’ve been able to locate some that’s manufactured in Thailand under the “Golden Happy Blossom” label, but it’s made of recombinant DNA and recycled tea bags. The chromosomes are still there, but microscopic examination shows some of them are broken and lack motility. My advice is to skip the high tech face grease and use mild soap followed by plenty of cold water. For her birthday, why not reserve her a copy of my upcoming book about flying saucers? Undercover Cats
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/26/2012
Sometimes my cat crawls under the covers in my bed and goes to sleep. How can she breathe under there?
———- from Mary Porter of Cahokia, IL
Like scientists, cats love their privacy. When you see a bump under the blankets that signifies your cat is seeking solitude, simple courtesy demands that you leave the room. Obviously, your co-dependency is so advanced that you think your cat needs you to help him manage the time he spends away from you. To you, intimacy means control and your cat is doing everything in its power to free itself from your manipulation. You sense this and it terrifies you to think that you might have to learn to spend some time alone, as your cat is doing. Your cat has a life. Don’t you think it’s time you got one as well?
Like scientists, cats love their privacy. When you see a bump under the blankets that signifies your cat is seeking solitude, simple courtesy demands that you leave the room. Obviously, your co-dependency is so advanced that you think your cat needs you to help him manage the time he spends away from you. To you, intimacy means control and your cat is doing everything in its power to free itself from your manipulation. You sense this and it terrifies you to think that you might have to learn to spend some time alone, as your cat is doing. Your cat has a life. Don’t you think it’s time you got one as well? 