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Do Snakes Get Poison Oak?
Posted by Dr. Science on 12/17/2012
Do snakes get poison oak? If so, how do they scratch it?
———- from Suzy Kanich of Cottage Grove, OR
Snakes are actually weasels that have lost all their fur, arms and legs to intense poison oak rashes. Science knows this because snakes and poison oak both evolved at the same time, which was roughly concurrent with the disappearance of the dinosaurs. In fact, one theory has it that poison oak was fatal to dinosaurs, another holds that dinosaurs were grossed out by hairless weasel torsos and simply lost the will to live. Personally, I favor the latter theory, because it’s a prime example of the pot calling the kettle black. To my way of thinking, dinosaurs are, like all reptiles, vile, disgusting things for whom extinction came as a gift. Wish the same would happen to snakes and, for that matter, poison oak.
Snakes are actually weasels that have lost all their fur, arms and legs to intense poison oak rashes. Science knows this because snakes and poison oak both evolved at the same time, which was roughly concurrent with the disappearance of the dinosaurs. In fact, one theory has it that poison oak was fatal to dinosaurs, another holds that dinosaurs were grossed out by hairless weasel torsos and simply lost the will to live. Personally, I favor the latter theory, because it’s a prime example of the pot calling the kettle black. To my way of thinking, dinosaurs are, like all reptiles, vile, disgusting things for whom extinction came as a gift. Wish the same would happen to snakes and, for that matter, poison oak. Practicing Medicine
Posted by Dr. Science on 12/14/2012
All the doctors I know only practice medicine. Are there any who are really good at it?
———- from Cathy Proenza of Colorado Springs, CO
Compared to what? The ones who practice in hospitals are usually better than the ones who practice privately. “Better at what?”, you might ask. Hospital-affiliated physicians make more money for doing less, or so shows an AMA report on medical incomes. Of course the AMA is actually a wholly owned subsidiary of General Motors, which, in turn is a not-so-secret wing of the Sony Corporation. All this is detailed in my book “What Price Progress?”, Laundromat Press, due in paperback any day now. But getting back to medicine, if I were you I’d check into a hospital at the slightest sign of discomfort and let the new National Health Coverage pay the tab. I know it isn’t a reality yet, but sometimes you just have to act onfaith, knowing that all things work out in the long run.
Compared to what? The ones who practice in hospitals are usually better than the ones who practice privately. “Better at what?”, you might ask. Hospital-affiliated physicians make more money for doing less, or so shows an AMA report on medical incomes. Of course the AMA is actually a wholly owned subsidiary of General Motors, which, in turn is a not-so-secret wing of the Sony Corporation. All this is detailed in my book “What Price Progress?”, Laundromat Press, due in paperback any day now. But getting back to medicine, if I were you I’d check into a hospital at the slightest sign of discomfort and let the new National Health Coverage pay the tab. I know it isn’t a reality yet, but sometimes you just have to act onfaith, knowing that all things work out in the long run. Dogs and Sirens
Posted by Dr. Science on 12/12/2012
Why do dogs howl when the siren goes off?
———- from Marge Osborn of Okanogan, WA
All dogs want to be firemen and when a siren howls, they howl to announce that ambition. Unfortunately, most of us aren’t job counselors and resent the canine career communication. Dog trainers have struggled for years with little success to come up with an effective way to combat unwanted howling and barking. The best idea on the table involves allowing dogs to realize their ambition and become firefighters. Soon they lose all will to howl and spend their time lounging about the doghouse, playing cards, watching Oprah and sleeping.
All dogs want to be firemen and when a siren howls, they howl to announce that ambition. Unfortunately, most of us aren’t job counselors and resent the canine career communication. Dog trainers have struggled for years with little success to come up with an effective way to combat unwanted howling and barking. The best idea on the table involves allowing dogs to realize their ambition and become firefighters. Soon they lose all will to howl and spend their time lounging about the doghouse, playing cards, watching Oprah and sleeping. Computer Programming
Posted by Dr. Science on 12/10/2012
In using a commercial software package, I recently got the following error message “Attempting to use transgressed handle. Error 6 repeating error 6”. It kept this up until I turned the machine off. Are they trying to drive me insane, or are they crazy?
———- from Frank Zucker of PhD, Seattle, WA
Both. Anybody who’d purchase software over the counter is asking for trouble. I won’t use anything I haven’t programmed myself, usually in a highly sophisticated language called “Psychospeak 5.2”, which to the unaided eye appears to be an endless string of random numbers. This is because it actually is an endless string of random numbers, punctuated by phone numbers of friends and relatives, just to introduce some order into chaos. It’s a spreadsheet, it’s a word processing program, it’s a fax/modem, depending on my state of mind while operating it. I’d send you a copy, but it’s copy protected, and besides, unless you have 256 megabytes of RAM and one heck of a hard drive, your computer would probably blow up.
Both. Anybody who’d purchase software over the counter is asking for trouble. I won’t use anything I haven’t programmed myself, usually in a highly sophisticated language called “Psychospeak 5.2”, which to the unaided eye appears to be an endless string of random numbers. This is because it actually is an endless string of random numbers, punctuated by phone numbers of friends and relatives, just to introduce some order into chaos. It’s a spreadsheet, it’s a word processing program, it’s a fax/modem, depending on my state of mind while operating it. I’d send you a copy, but it’s copy protected, and besides, unless you have 256 megabytes of RAM and one heck of a hard drive, your computer would probably blow up. Driving Across Nebraska
Posted by Dr. Science on 12/07/2012
Why does it take so long to drive across Nebraska?
———- from Paul Weitzel of Dubuque, IA
Fold a map of the USA north to south along the 100 degree meridian. This line is called the “magic meridian”, because if you fold the map along it and then insert a pin through the city of San Francisco, it comes out in Trenton, New Jersey. Continuing to fold the map, one quickly discovers that the United States is actually a very thin peninsula, stretching from Labrador to Brazil. So you see, there really is no midwest. The reason it takes so long to drive across Nebraska is because the midwest is actually a series of circular expressways built through Pennsylvania, West Virginia and Delaware. Map makers maintain this fiction to increase profits and keep cartographers employed.
Fold a map of the USA north to south along the 100 degree meridian. This line is called the “magic meridian”, because if you fold the map along it and then insert a pin through the city of San Francisco, it comes out in Trenton, New Jersey. Continuing to fold the map, one quickly discovers that the United States is actually a very thin peninsula, stretching from Labrador to Brazil. So you see, there really is no midwest. The reason it takes so long to drive across Nebraska is because the midwest is actually a series of circular expressways built through Pennsylvania, West Virginia and Delaware. Map makers maintain this fiction to increase profits and keep cartographers employed. 