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The Speed of Smell
Posted by Dr. Science on 02/18/2013
Since there is a speed of light and a speed of sound, is there a speed of smell?
———- from Andrea M. Allan Ph.D. of Albuquerque, NM
There is, but it’s very slow. It’s speed depends on several factors, most notably the stinkability index of the smellee. Other factors include, wind velocity, humidity, and the sensitivity of the smeller’s receptor, or in layman’s terms, nose. So the smell of, say, parmesan cheese on a winter day, traveling indoors, would be around 6 miles per hour. An Iowa hog lot, on a still summer morning, would propagate at around 550 miles per hour, close to the speed of sound. And if you’re wondering if hogs would smell as bad if there were no one near to smell them, any Iowan would reply, “you bet”.
Red-Eyed Strangers
Posted by Dr. Science on 02/15/2013
Sometimes the photographs I’ve taken of normal looking people show them to have fiery red eyes. Who are these people in my photographs?
———- from LaDoris H. Cordell of Palo Alto, CA
They’re Ektar Beings from the Negative Zone, lonely creatures who desire nothing more than to have their picture taken. Since they lack the physical density to operate a camera, they rely on you to do it for them. Like chameleons, they can approximate the outward appearance of your friends and family, but since the eyes are the windows of the soul, they can’t disguise their demonic interiors. I never take pictures of people anymore, so it’s been a while since I witnessed this phenomenon. But I remember it as the proximate cause of the end of my fifth marriage to, I believe, Marsha.
Cool Site Awards
Posted by Dr. Science on 02/13/2013
Why should I vote for the Ask Dr. Science web site as Cool Site of the Year? Are you going to give us a tax cut, balance the budget, or clean up Hollywood?
———- from Rick Alber of Los Angeles, CA
Yes, I’m going to do all those things and much, much more. This Cool Site of the Year thing is just the beginning. Before you know it, I’ll be giving self-improvement seminars in hotel ballrooms. Lost souls will fork over hundreds of dollars just to hear me wax poetic over my personal life, my likes and dislikes, vague beliefs in God, and the heartwarming story of how I overcame a chronic addiction to industrial solvents. Then I’m going to launch a line of Dr. Science toys, ugly little misshapen creatures that are the results of laboratory experiments gone awry. Finally, I’ll dissolve our so called democratic republic, and install myself as “Grand Hero of the People, and Savior of the Nation.” It’s going to take a lot of doing, but that’s why you have to get out and vote today!
Downsizing Barracks
Posted by Dr. Science on 02/11/2013
Since the army is cutting back, they must be downsizing their facilities. How much smaller do they have to make a barracks before it becomes a barrack?
———- from Edward Horton of Everett, OR
It depends on pork barrel politics and whether we finally get around to going metric. If the state in which the barracks is located has a senator on a powerful appropriations committee, then the barracks will probably be enlarged while being reduced, something that happens quite often in government. The average soldier’s bunk used to size in at six feet, but the new metric bunks that are being imported from France are two meters long. This could be a significant difference, although it will take a year-long study by outside consultants to determine the exact nature and possible significance of that difference.
Containing the Universal Solvent
Posted by Dr. Science on 02/08/2013
What is the best container for a universal solvent?
———- from Lee Budam of Cullowhee, NC
