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The Body’s Hot Spot
Posted by Dr. Science on 12/10/2014
What is the hottest spot on the body?
———- from Tina Smith of Sunderland, MA
Contrary to popular belief, it’s not the notorious G spot, nor is it the heart or brain. It is, instead, the back of the uvula, which burns at a constant four hundred degrees Fahrenheit. When you run a fever, it can get even hotter with the danger of setting nearby objects aflame. This is why you should never stuff newspaper down the throat of a fever victim. It’s also advisable not to gargle with mouthwashes that contain a high concentration of alcohol. Doing so could give the phrase ‘dragon breath’ a whole new meaning.
Contrary to popular belief, it’s not the notorious G spot, nor is it the heart or brain. It is, instead, the back of the uvula, which burns at a constant four hundred degrees Fahrenheit. When you run a fever, it can get even hotter with the danger of setting nearby objects aflame. This is why you should never stuff newspaper down the throat of a fever victim. It’s also advisable not to gargle with mouthwashes that contain a high concentration of alcohol. Doing so could give the phrase ‘dragon breath’ a whole new meaning.Blue Beard
Posted by Dr. Science on 12/08/2014
Why don’t brunette women who shave their legs get the ‘bluebeard effect’ on their legs?
———- from Alan Koontz of Shepherdstown, WV
I assume you’re talking about what Science calls the ‘Nixon Complex’, a phenomenon where megalomania and testosterone combine to produce a bluish haze on the cheeks. This has nothing to do with the Pinocchio Effect, where the nose elongates in response to the telling of an untruth. Only single women who are having affairs with married men, and waiting for them to leave their wives exhibit bluebeard legs. Usually, they wear slacks as they write to Dear Abby and ask how much longer they should wait.
I assume you’re talking about what Science calls the ‘Nixon Complex’, a phenomenon where megalomania and testosterone combine to produce a bluish haze on the cheeks. This has nothing to do with the Pinocchio Effect, where the nose elongates in response to the telling of an untruth. Only single women who are having affairs with married men, and waiting for them to leave their wives exhibit bluebeard legs. Usually, they wear slacks as they write to Dear Abby and ask how much longer they should wait.Lethargic Lava Lamp
Posted by Dr. Science on 12/05/2014
My lava lamp operates normally for about two hours, after which the lava settles into a dome shape at the bottom of the lamp. What’s happening here?
———- from Derek Manke of Canton, OH
You’ve got yourself a lamp with exhausted lava. 98% of the time lava are awake they’re furiously mating, so it’s no wonder they fall into a stupor after a couple of hours. Try adding some ginseng or gotu kola extract to the lamp’s water. If that doesn’t perk the lava up, perhaps you’ve got emotionally traumatized lava, lava that has suffered a ‘nervous breakdown’ as we used to say in the fifties. Try locking the lamp in a dark closet for a week and see if that helps. If it’s still under warranty, you might be able to exchange it for a lamp with young, vital lava out to prove itself. Good luck.
You’ve got yourself a lamp with exhausted lava. 98% of the time lava are awake they’re furiously mating, so it’s no wonder they fall into a stupor after a couple of hours. Try adding some ginseng or gotu kola extract to the lamp’s water. If that doesn’t perk the lava up, perhaps you’ve got emotionally traumatized lava, lava that has suffered a ‘nervous breakdown’ as we used to say in the fifties. Try locking the lamp in a dark closet for a week and see if that helps. If it’s still under warranty, you might be able to exchange it for a lamp with young, vital lava out to prove itself. Good luck. Cloning
Posted by Dr. Science on 12/03/2014
My son is threatening to clone himself. What should I say to him?
———- from Tammy Baker of Columbus, SC
Tell him he’d be violating Federal law and would spend the rest of his life in prison, leaving you alone and helpless, with a young clone to raise. You leave out some pertinent data. Why does he want a clone? To do his homework for him while he’s off listening to Chumba Wumba with his worthless friends? If that’s the case, throw him in jail and hope you have better luck with the clone. Seriously, cloning should only be done as a hobby. It’s what I do alone on a winter’s night, if I can’t find a jigsaw puzzle. But using clones to get out of work is a clear violation of ethics. That’s why God gave us lab assistants.
Tell him he’d be violating Federal law and would spend the rest of his life in prison, leaving you alone and helpless, with a young clone to raise. You leave out some pertinent data. Why does he want a clone? To do his homework for him while he’s off listening to Chumba Wumba with his worthless friends? If that’s the case, throw him in jail and hope you have better luck with the clone. Seriously, cloning should only be done as a hobby. It’s what I do alone on a winter’s night, if I can’t find a jigsaw puzzle. But using clones to get out of work is a clear violation of ethics. That’s why God gave us lab assistants.Hiding Internet Explorer
Posted by Dr. Science on 12/01/2014
Why can’t Microsoft remove their browser from their products, instead of just hiding it somewhere in Windows?
———- from Meredith Ludwig of Chicago, IL
Some things simply cannot be known. We do know that Microsoft has plans to hide it better. They’ve just signed a deal with Disney to create ‘Where’s Explorer?’, a more sophisticated version of ‘Where’s Waldo?’, in which the annoying animated paper clip will give you misleading information as to Explorer’s whereabouts somewhere on your hard drive. In a related development, Microsoft will incorporate the entire US Department of Justice into Windows 2000. They’re just sit there twiddling their thumbs until double-clicked. Of course, the embedded DOJ will be much easier to delete than Internet Explorer.
Some things simply cannot be known. We do know that Microsoft has plans to hide it better. They’ve just signed a deal with Disney to create ‘Where’s Explorer?’, a more sophisticated version of ‘Where’s Waldo?’, in which the annoying animated paper clip will give you misleading information as to Explorer’s whereabouts somewhere on your hard drive. In a related development, Microsoft will incorporate the entire US Department of Justice into Windows 2000. They’re just sit there twiddling their thumbs until double-clicked. Of course, the embedded DOJ will be much easier to delete than Internet Explorer.