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TV Effects on Family
Posted by Dr. Science on 06/18/2014
My children have a theory that housework, lawn mowing, dusting, and dish cleaning gets done by their watching television. I’m confused. Do such televisions exist that actually do household work while people watch shows?
———- from Bob Campagna of Mt. Vernon, IA
Your children are not your children. They are an expression of the television’s longing for your family. Face facts, the television is far better at attracting and holding your children’s attention than you are. Why not just sign custody over to the boob tube, and get on with your life? These little tasks and distractions you have set up for yourself to fill the inner void left by the absence of your family will do nothing to really assuage your fears of abandonment. All the housework in the world won’t enable you to “get a life.” Your children have found their real family in the Jetsons and the Simpsons. Now you need to find yours.
Your children are not your children. They are an expression of the television’s longing for your family. Face facts, the television is far better at attracting and holding your children’s attention than you are. Why not just sign custody over to the boob tube, and get on with your life? These little tasks and distractions you have set up for yourself to fill the inner void left by the absence of your family will do nothing to really assuage your fears of abandonment. All the housework in the world won’t enable you to “get a life.” Your children have found their real family in the Jetsons and the Simpsons. Now you need to find yours. Male Correction
Posted by Dr. Science on 06/16/2014
If a man is talking in the forest, and there isn’t a woman there to correct him, is he still wrong?
———- from Hans Jesperson of Sunnyvale, CA
Such is the true condition of man, to which he is consigned by his fallen nature and original sin. There was a time when men were only occasionally wrong, but that was long ago, and there is no written record of the period. Women, of course, ruled the world until just recently, a fact well established by any number of new-age books written in the last ten or fifteen years by authors with hyphenated last names. Most of these women were never wrong, and as their back cover photos and bios indicate, have achieved spiritual perfection, self-actualization, and the elusive meaningful relationship with a soul-mate, usually a guy who will stand still in the forest and dutifully allow himself to be corrected, over and over again.
Such is the true condition of man, to which he is consigned by his fallen nature and original sin. There was a time when men were only occasionally wrong, but that was long ago, and there is no written record of the period. Women, of course, ruled the world until just recently, a fact well established by any number of new-age books written in the last ten or fifteen years by authors with hyphenated last names. Most of these women were never wrong, and as their back cover photos and bios indicate, have achieved spiritual perfection, self-actualization, and the elusive meaningful relationship with a soul-mate, usually a guy who will stand still in the forest and dutifully allow himself to be corrected, over and over again. Miracle Compound Revealed
Posted by Dr. Science on 06/13/2014
What’s so special about Potassium Nitrate?
———- from Brandon Coghill of Trotwood, Ohio
You might as well have asked “What’s so special about Shakespeare, or the Taj Mahal?” Some compounds are simply so special that they react with everything but the noble gases, and even then, they influence them in subtle ways. Both at home, and at the lab, I find Potassium Nitrate to be indispensable. How could I brush my teeth, eradicate unsightly moles, re-sole my shoes, or polish the silverware without my old friend PN? Going boating and forgot to bring sunscreen? Just dab of a thin paste of Potassium Nitrate and you’ll get a deep, rich tan even if the sun isn’t shining! Never mind its properties in the manufacture of gunpowder or as an anti-aphrodisiac. Potassium Nitrate is one substance you won’t want to be without!
You might as well have asked “What’s so special about Shakespeare, or the Taj Mahal?” Some compounds are simply so special that they react with everything but the noble gases, and even then, they influence them in subtle ways. Both at home, and at the lab, I find Potassium Nitrate to be indispensable. How could I brush my teeth, eradicate unsightly moles, re-sole my shoes, or polish the silverware without my old friend PN? Going boating and forgot to bring sunscreen? Just dab of a thin paste of Potassium Nitrate and you’ll get a deep, rich tan even if the sun isn’t shining! Never mind its properties in the manufacture of gunpowder or as an anti-aphrodisiac. Potassium Nitrate is one substance you won’t want to be without! Negative Ions
Posted by Dr. Science on 06/11/2014
Is there really any health benefit to using an air cleaner that emits negative ions?
———- from J Delang of Winnipeg, Canada
First of all, it greatly benefits air cleaner manufacturers, many of whom would like to send their kids to private schools. And there’s nothing overtly wrong with breathing negative ions. Even though they make rubber become brittle and cracked, there’s no evidence that they induce negativity in people. If you find yourself within a few yards of a generator, you might want to double your intake of anti-depressants just to be safe, but otherwise, a negative ion generator is no more dangerous than, say a loaded assault rifle or a television playing re-runs of “Three’s Company.”
First of all, it greatly benefits air cleaner manufacturers, many of whom would like to send their kids to private schools. And there’s nothing overtly wrong with breathing negative ions. Even though they make rubber become brittle and cracked, there’s no evidence that they induce negativity in people. If you find yourself within a few yards of a generator, you might want to double your intake of anti-depressants just to be safe, but otherwise, a negative ion generator is no more dangerous than, say a loaded assault rifle or a television playing re-runs of “Three’s Company.” Moon’s Dark Side
Posted by Dr. Science on 06/09/2014
What would happen if we got the dark side of the moon to face us?
———- from Peque Gallaga of Mandaluyong, Metro Manila, Phillipines
We would all go insane within a matter of weeks. Imagine having the face of character actor Edgar Buchanan (you might remember him as Petticoat Junction’s Uncle Joe) leering at you every moonlit night. Viewers south of the equator would see the masked Mexican wrestler Ultraman, or his predecessor El Santo (depending on the age of the viewer). In any case, it would prove so disconcerting that whatever other problems or concerns one might have would suddenly shrivel in magnitude, as we began to lose our sense of proportion, propriety, reality and finally self. No, there are some things that Science should not toy with.
We would all go insane within a matter of weeks. Imagine having the face of character actor Edgar Buchanan (you might remember him as Petticoat Junction’s Uncle Joe) leering at you every moonlit night. Viewers south of the equator would see the masked Mexican wrestler Ultraman, or his predecessor El Santo (depending on the age of the viewer). In any case, it would prove so disconcerting that whatever other problems or concerns one might have would suddenly shrivel in magnitude, as we began to lose our sense of proportion, propriety, reality and finally self. No, there are some things that Science should not toy with. 