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Monkeys and Parakeets
Posted by Dr. Science on 07/11/2014
If monkeys are more intelligent than parakeets, why can parakeets speak and monkeys can’t?
———- from Jimmy Swinerton of San Francisco
The ability to speak has nothing remotely to do with intelligence. Simply watching television will prove this time and time again. Dr. Joyce Brothers has an IQ that tips the bottom of the scale (it’s alleged) yet she can be fouhd speaking on any number talk shows instead of, well, me! Sure, monkeys chatter, but they don’t pretend to be Carl Sagan or Dr. Science when they screech and howl. Parrots, on the other hand, are imposters and they try tp disguise the fact there’s a nobody home with a lot of commotion at the front door.
The ability to speak has nothing remotely to do with intelligence. Simply watching television will prove this time and time again. Dr. Joyce Brothers has an IQ that tips the bottom of the scale (it’s alleged) yet she can be fouhd speaking on any number talk shows instead of, well, me! Sure, monkeys chatter, but they don’t pretend to be Carl Sagan or Dr. Science when they screech and howl. Parrots, on the other hand, are imposters and they try tp disguise the fact there’s a nobody home with a lot of commotion at the front door. Burping Eggs
Posted by Dr. Science on 07/09/2014
Why do I get the taste of hard-boiled eggs when I burp?
———- from Judy B. of Darby, Montana
It’s these little things that make us realize we’re all really just one. Everyone tastes hard-boiled eggs when they burp, since hard-boiled eggs, hot dogs and Chinese food are never really digested. That goes for those Chicken McNuggets, too. They lie in a state of suspended animation, just waiting to see the light of day once more…perhaps to relive the ecstasy they knew the first time down the hatch. This they do each and every time you belch, whether it’s the holiday belching season or not. So if you don’t mind the taste, give those undigestibles the thrill they long for and burp generously, in the privacy of your own home. Don’t be so hard-boiled yourself that you can’t allow such an egg its place in the sun.
It’s these little things that make us realize we’re all really just one. Everyone tastes hard-boiled eggs when they burp, since hard-boiled eggs, hot dogs and Chinese food are never really digested. That goes for those Chicken McNuggets, too. They lie in a state of suspended animation, just waiting to see the light of day once more…perhaps to relive the ecstasy they knew the first time down the hatch. This they do each and every time you belch, whether it’s the holiday belching season or not. So if you don’t mind the taste, give those undigestibles the thrill they long for and burp generously, in the privacy of your own home. Don’t be so hard-boiled yourself that you can’t allow such an egg its place in the sun. Charter Bus Truths
Posted by Dr. Science on 07/07/2014
I see buses going to Detroit, Memphis, Atlanta and other cities, but I see lots more people heading for Charter. Where is Charter and why do so many people want to go there?
———- from Marty H. of Columbia Mo
Charter is the place no one ever talks about..but where everyone is headed. Ultimately. it’s the jumping off place, the end of the line, the west coast (as it were). Scientists and non-scientists alike prefer to avoid the concept of Charter and prefer to think it’s just a day trip we’re all embarked upon. A picnic, some volleyball, then homeward bound. Charter, though, is the place where hollow men with sunken eyes wander from meaningless appointment to appointment. Babies never cry in Charter. They just glare at you. I could go on, but this is a family-oriented website. Next time you see a bus headed for Charter, well, just whisper a prayer of thanks yo’re not on that bus. Yet.
Charter is the place no one ever talks about..but where everyone is headed. Ultimately. it’s the jumping off place, the end of the line, the west coast (as it were). Scientists and non-scientists alike prefer to avoid the concept of Charter and prefer to think it’s just a day trip we’re all embarked upon. A picnic, some volleyball, then homeward bound. Charter, though, is the place where hollow men with sunken eyes wander from meaningless appointment to appointment. Babies never cry in Charter. They just glare at you. I could go on, but this is a family-oriented website. Next time you see a bus headed for Charter, well, just whisper a prayer of thanks yo’re not on that bus. Yet. Hermit Recombination
Posted by Dr. Science on 07/04/2014
If two hermits decide to live together, are they still hermits?
———- from Sherri Davis of Lafayette, CA
Only if they hate each other. In that way, many modern marriages resemble hermitages, with cold indifference registering as the main emotion. They have little to do with traditional monastic life, which often combines great love and piety with constant work towards a common goal. Hermits eschew work, and spend most of their time spitting and grumbling. Since they refuse to co-operate, it doesn’t matter how many hermits you lump together. Two or two hundred, they’re all still hermits.
Only if they hate each other. In that way, many modern marriages resemble hermitages, with cold indifference registering as the main emotion. They have little to do with traditional monastic life, which often combines great love and piety with constant work towards a common goal. Hermits eschew work, and spend most of their time spitting and grumbling. Since they refuse to co-operate, it doesn’t matter how many hermits you lump together. Two or two hundred, they’re all still hermits. Car Salespersons
Posted by Dr. Science on 07/02/2014
How do all those car salesmen come out of one building?
———- from Brandon Templeton of Corning, IA
Inside the car dealership, salesmen are kept both dehydrated and compressed, often taking up no more space than a small Yugo. When even the most disinterested passer-by lingers at a car, an alarm sounds inside the building, and within milliseconds scores of salesmen and hydrated and inflated to their normal size. From there, they casually stream from the building, pretending to be engaged in a myriad of activities when, in fact, they are zeroing in on their prospect. The only evasive action the poor mark can take at this point is to run, even if it means crossing several lanes of traffic. Anything beats a five year loan, plus tax, license and title.
Inside the car dealership, salesmen are kept both dehydrated and compressed, often taking up no more space than a small Yugo. When even the most disinterested passer-by lingers at a car, an alarm sounds inside the building, and within milliseconds scores of salesmen and hydrated and inflated to their normal size. From there, they casually stream from the building, pretending to be engaged in a myriad of activities when, in fact, they are zeroing in on their prospect. The only evasive action the poor mark can take at this point is to run, even if it means crossing several lanes of traffic. Anything beats a five year loan, plus tax, license and title. 