Jello Food Group
What food group is Jello in?
———- from Cousin Jack of Mt. Vernon, Iowa
Jello, of course, is a brand name. The general term describing Jello and its pale imitators is “artificially flavored gelatin dessert.” The food group these exist in is called “food by-products and food-like substances,” which covers many man-made substances that have made modern dining the novel experience it is. There are some namby-pamby nutritionists who argue that these food-like substances have no place in a healthy diet. To these Pollyannas, I’d just like to say that if there weren’t a market for food-like substances, nobody would manufacture them. I don’t want some bureaucrat in Washington telling me what I can and can’t eat, so I’m glad there’s Jello and Cool Whip and Cheetos, even though nobody’s paying me to say that. If I want to eat plutonium, that’s my business. That’s what I like about America. Just make it fat-free, okay?
Jello, of course, is a brand name. The general term describing Jello and its pale imitators is “artificially flavored gelatin dessert.” The food group these exist in is called “food by-products and food-like substances,” which covers many man-made substances that have made modern dining the novel experience it is. There are some namby-pamby nutritionists who argue that these food-like substances have no place in a healthy diet. To these Pollyannas, I’d just like to say that if there weren’t a market for food-like substances, nobody would manufacture them. I don’t want some bureaucrat in Washington telling me what I can and can’t eat, so I’m glad there’s Jello and Cool Whip and Cheetos, even though nobody’s paying me to say that. If I want to eat plutonium, that’s my business. That’s what I like about America. Just make it fat-free, okay? 