Never Promised You A Beer Garden
How do I go about growing a beer garden? Can I grow one in Oregon or is the climate too darned wet?
———- from Dennis Ades of Beaverton, OR
Beer may not grow on trees, but it does come from the ground, somewhat like a potato. You can grow fine beer anywhere. It’s simple. Just detach a poptop or bottle cap and plant it. Growing time varies from brand to brand – most only grow on weekends, or what scientists call “Miller Time”, named for the famed Artesian Bud Miller. Artesians, contrary to popular belief, did not invent beer; they merely introduced the drink to the Americas. The actual Artesian drink of choice is cheap red wine, and lots of it. My mother used to tell me that Artesians invented Velcro, but that story today has been largely discredited.
Beer may not grow on trees, but it does come from the ground, somewhat like a potato. You can grow fine beer anywhere. It’s simple. Just detach a poptop or bottle cap and plant it. Growing time varies from brand to brand – most only grow on weekends, or what scientists call “Miller Time”, named for the famed Artesian Bud Miller. Artesians, contrary to popular belief, did not invent beer; they merely introduced the drink to the Americas. The actual Artesian drink of choice is cheap red wine, and lots of it. My mother used to tell me that Artesians invented Velcro, but that story today has been largely discredited. 