Snoring Problem

My fiancee says I snore so loudly it wakes her up. She pokes me in the ribs until I stop. If I’m snoring loudly enough to wake her, why don’t I wake myself as well?

———- from Lander of Santa Barbara, CA

Call me old-fashioned, but I can’t for the life of me imagine how your fiancee could already know about your problem with snoring. Perhaps you two are indulging in some sort of marriage play, probably a new pop psychology technique for lowering the divorce rate or something. Well, let me warn you, psychology is not a science, and pyschologists usually rank below librarians and sociologists in the brains department. The reason you don’t wake up probably has to do with the fact your fiancee is merely imagining the snoring, using it as a justifcation for poking you in the ribs. Heed my warning, young man, this sort of thing only accelerates after you tie the knot.