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Stomach Scare
Posted by Dr. Science on 10/01/2014
If I’m walking down the street with my stomach pooched out and something scares me, will my stomach stay that way?
———- from A.M. Collins of Seattle, WA
Your mother probably used to tell you, If you make that face, it’s going to freeze that way. Making an ugly face and stomach pooching are, in fact, related phenomena, but your stomach is much more responsive to fear than your face. Pooching your stomach in the presence of frightening stimuli can indeed cause permanent pooching. So you can see that yet another old wives’ tale is true. Matter of fact, many scientists would often disguise themselves as old wives and wander the streets shouting aphorisms, old saws and theories like E=MC2 or A stitch in time saves nine. If you were to see one of these scientists on the street and you had your stomach pooched out, it would probably stay that way. You see, old wives and science are never wrong.
Your mother probably used to tell you, If you make that face, it’s going to freeze that way. Making an ugly face and stomach pooching are, in fact, related phenomena, but your stomach is much more responsive to fear than your face. Pooching your stomach in the presence of frightening stimuli can indeed cause permanent pooching. So you can see that yet another old wives’ tale is true. Matter of fact, many scientists would often disguise themselves as old wives and wander the streets shouting aphorisms, old saws and theories like E=MC2 or A stitch in time saves nine. If you were to see one of these scientists on the street and you had your stomach pooched out, it would probably stay that way. You see, old wives and science are never wrong.Quarks and Leptons
Posted by Dr. Science on 09/29/2014
How do you tell a quark from a Lepton?
———- from Jack Arnold of Portland, Maine
Easy. A quark is a subatomic particle, while Lepton is a type of tea. Tea can keep you up nights, and so can quarks, if you’re a physicist. That’s where the resemblance ends. Quarks have only a theoretical mass, and tea comes loose or in bags. Now if quarks came in bags, it would make a physicist’s life much easier. But quarks don’t. In the case of the quark which we call the boson, the Heisenberg principle proves that even observing the boson destroys the boson, which is not to be confused with bison. You can look at bison all day without destroying anything. Bison are large, mangy buffaloes that live in Wyoming and don’t drink tea at all.
Easy. A quark is a subatomic particle, while Lepton is a type of tea. Tea can keep you up nights, and so can quarks, if you’re a physicist. That’s where the resemblance ends. Quarks have only a theoretical mass, and tea comes loose or in bags. Now if quarks came in bags, it would make a physicist’s life much easier. But quarks don’t. In the case of the quark which we call the boson, the Heisenberg principle proves that even observing the boson destroys the boson, which is not to be confused with bison. You can look at bison all day without destroying anything. Bison are large, mangy buffaloes that live in Wyoming and don’t drink tea at all.Trees and Square Roots
Posted by Dr. Science on 09/26/2014
What kind of trees have square roots?
———- from John Mark of Sterling, Alaska
Square roots are found in the Pascal Pine. These trees are heavily logged and provide the world’s dwindling supply of logarithms. Of course, logarithms have been rendered largely obsolete by pocket calculators. However, the Pascal Pine is grown communally in countries that still use the slide rule and where Radio Shacks are banned by religious edict. The International Brotherhood of Mathematicians (IBM) hopes to perform a global La Place transformation and welcome these dissenting backwaters into the exciting modern world of LCD, LED’s, digital and irritating little beeps. Welcome aboard, friends!
Square roots are found in the Pascal Pine. These trees are heavily logged and provide the world’s dwindling supply of logarithms. Of course, logarithms have been rendered largely obsolete by pocket calculators. However, the Pascal Pine is grown communally in countries that still use the slide rule and where Radio Shacks are banned by religious edict. The International Brotherhood of Mathematicians (IBM) hopes to perform a global La Place transformation and welcome these dissenting backwaters into the exciting modern world of LCD, LED’s, digital and irritating little beeps. Welcome aboard, friends!The Truth about Chihuahuas
Posted by Dr. Science on 09/24/2014
Is a Chihuahua really a dog or is it simply a rare breed of cat?
———- from Bo Beller of Minnesota, MN
A Chihuahua is, indeed, a cat ? though suffering from a severe personality disorder. This is why chihuahuas tremble so much and also why so many of them are hairless. Most dogs can fetch a stick or a ball or a Frisbee. The Chihuahua could be physically injured by a Frisbee and will react to most dog games with fear. Now, a Chihuahua and, say, an Irish setter would definitely not get along (although I must say Rodney and I get along famously, which would be the human analogy). This isn’t to say you shouldn’t own a Chihuahua if you really want a nervous yapping neurotic miserable excuse for a dog. That’s fine with me. And Rodney.
A Chihuahua is, indeed, a cat ? though suffering from a severe personality disorder. This is why chihuahuas tremble so much and also why so many of them are hairless. Most dogs can fetch a stick or a ball or a Frisbee. The Chihuahua could be physically injured by a Frisbee and will react to most dog games with fear. Now, a Chihuahua and, say, an Irish setter would definitely not get along (although I must say Rodney and I get along famously, which would be the human analogy). This isn’t to say you shouldn’t own a Chihuahua if you really want a nervous yapping neurotic miserable excuse for a dog. That’s fine with me. And Rodney. Microwaved Hamsters
Posted by Dr. Science on 09/22/2014
If you put a hamster in a microwave oven, would it blow up?
———- from Beavis of MTVland
No, young man, it would cook, so to speak, much like a baked potato. As a matter of fact, a microwaved hamster very much resembles a baked potato, both in appearance and taste. In Russia, where microwaves were long used for espionage as much as for cooking, there’s a thriving black market in hamsters, since the Russian vodka demand has driven up the price of potatoes. Some of these hamsters were illegally imported and placed on American tables as part of Russian efforts to freak out Americans. So the next time you buy a potato, poke it first to make sure it’s not a rodent. If it squeaks, put it back. And the next time you want a cheap pet, try a potato!
No, young man, it would cook, so to speak, much like a baked potato. As a matter of fact, a microwaved hamster very much resembles a baked potato, both in appearance and taste. In Russia, where microwaves were long used for espionage as much as for cooking, there’s a thriving black market in hamsters, since the Russian vodka demand has driven up the price of potatoes. Some of these hamsters were illegally imported and placed on American tables as part of Russian efforts to freak out Americans. So the next time you buy a potato, poke it first to make sure it’s not a rodent. If it squeaks, put it back. And the next time you want a cheap pet, try a potato!