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Turning Cats Inside Out
Posted by Dr. Science on 01/25/2013
What happens if you turn a cat inside out?
———- from Anton Nichta of Prague, Czekoslovakia
You get a very angry cat. Cats take a dim view of this “let’s torture a cat” syndrome that seems to affect most boys between the ages of ten and thirteen. Oddly enough, the audio frequencies most irritating to dogs dominate the kind of pre-pubescent rock songs favored by this demographic. What is it in latency that causes such danger and discomfort to household pets? There have been reports of pre-teens using telekinetic powers to start fires and throw pots and pans about. This cat thing could be part of that.
The Funniest Man in America
Posted by Dr. Science on 01/23/2013
I’ve read critics say that Garrison Keillor is the funniest man in America. Other critics say that it’s Dave Barry. Which is it?
———- from Pauline McCann of Drogheda, Ireland
Dave Barry and Garrison Keillor are actually the same person, an Irish mimic who’s real name is Paddy O’Shea. Since Paddy couldn’t get a visa to work in the states, he had to adopt these various persona, including the deep voiced Minnesotan and the elfish Floridian. Paddy’s working on other impressions, including Dr. Joyce Brothers and Carl Sagan. He’ll have to wait until these last two retire, but that won’t be a stretch for an Irishman, who can hold a grudge longer than Bolivia can maintain a government.
The Need for Libraries
Posted by Dr. Science on 01/21/2013
Lately, I’ve heard that some counties aren’t funding their libraries anymore. Do we even need libraries nowadays?
———- from Brian Price of Ames, IA
Only those few saps who don’t have a multimedia computer in-house. No, our libraries are quaint reminders of the days before eight-speed CD ROM drives, better suited for developing nations where people still have the time to read. The most an American today can skim is a pie chart or an opinion poll. Those can be downloaded from any number of services. I say ship all the books and librarians to those places where they need book learning and leave us to our high speed modems and processed infotainment.
Why Do Babies Drool?
Posted by Dr. Science on 01/18/2013
Why do babies drool?
———- from Cathie Petit of New York City, NY
Because they can. Drooling feels great, especially when you get a large stream of really slippery stuff going. It’s the liquid equivalent of speech, a form of communication that emphasizes fluidity and volume. The vocabulary is limited to saliva, but the syntax is complicated enough to produce poetry. Child psychologists used to think that drooling was a sublimated form of anger, but now they admit that most psychologists are overly squeamish and somewhat paranoid, and that poetry of any kind goes right by them.
Juice Concentrate
Posted by Dr. Science on 01/16/2013
How do they make juice concentrate?
———- from John Grenier of Colorado Springs, CO
