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Dogs Feet
Posted by Dr. Science on 03/25/2013
Why do dog’s feet smell like Fritos?
———- from Desiree Foard of Boise, ID
When you examine a dog’s foot under an electron microscope, it becomesapparent that the cells that comprise the soft tissue of the pad areactually little bean pods. Fritos, the corn chip, are made from a mixtureof re-fried beans and corn. Corn and beans are essentially the sameproduct, the former being treated with Yellow Dye #57 to improve theunsightly brown bean color. This is why midwestern farmers often grow cornand beans on the same acreage. It’s also why dogs are so rarely seenwalking in either corn or bean fields. Their feet would begin to mate withthe nearby plants and the dog would be found lying on its back dead, it’s pawsstretched in four different directions.
Supercoil Funk
Posted by Dr. Science on 03/22/2013
What mechanism causes the genetic material in mammalian cells to supercoil during mitosis?
———- from Ernie Pthalenharmer of Schnedectady, NY
Super anything is a tribute to Funk. Remember “Superfly is Superbad?” Supercoiling was actually invented in 1971 by George Clinton, the psychedelic papa of Funk. It was a hairstyle that involved wrapping dreadlocks around a super-cooled test tube of liquid helium. The coils were then treated with super glue. As part of the “hundredth monkey syndrome”, which holds that whenever anything develops anywhere in creation all creation has access to it, mitochondria began to copy Clinton’s hairstyle. I’ve heard that another Clinton, Bill, has influenced many rastafarians to smoke but not inhale.
Drying Off After Showers
Posted by Dr. Science on 03/20/2013
How come when I take a shower I don’t dry off when I get out?
———- from Weasel of San Francisco, CA
Do you have a towel? The last guy I knew named Weasel, and who lived in San Francisco, kept his few possessions in a cardboard box. As I recall, neither soap nor a towel was one of those. He did, however, have a scratched LP recording of Perry Como’s Greatest Hits and an autographed picture Garner Ted Armstrong. Here’s an idea, maybe a few minutes after you shower you actually are dry, but just don’t notice. Or maybe you forgot to turn the shower on and instead lathered yourself with petroleum jelly. Maybe you’re really standing inside a phone booth and you can’t remember whom you wanted to call. The possibilities are endless.
Bagpipe Aversion and Underneath Antarctica
Posted by Dr. Science on 03/18/2013
Whenever I hear a bagpipe play, I think my nervous system is going to freak out. I’m planning on visiting Scotland this summer. Is there a scientific device I could wear to protect myself from the sound a bagpipe makes?
———- from Dennis McIntyre of San Francisco, CA
You could wear a walkman and listen to the Who’s Greatest Hits, 24 hours a day. But I don’t know if you’d remember much of the trip when you got home. Another sound I find as irritating as the bag pipe is the pipe organ. Bach wrote some intolerable music for that instrument and a clean sounding CD, cranked up, over some good headphones would probably cause your consciousness to retreat to the very center of your brain, somewhere near the pineal gland. Fight fire with fire, I say.
Underneath Antarctica
Posted by Dr. Science on 03/15/2013
Dear Dr. Science, Underneath Antarctica, is there land or ocean?
———- from Emily Secrest of Mill Valley, CA
