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Protection Against UV Rays
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/17/2014
What can be done to block UV rays besides cloth and sun screen? Is there a gaseous substance that could be generated here on earth that would protect us from our depleted ozone layer?
———- from David Troness of Chandler, AZ
Freon is such a gaseous substance and, although displaced by animal flatulence and banned by misinformed enviro-nazis, it’s still the best hope we have against UV death. It has a pleasant lemony scent and when sprayed through a nozzle it dissolves soap scum, fights mildew, and deodorizes even the most offensive sneakers. No, we’re all going to be burnt to a crisp by UV radiation unless we get smart and let Freon back into our lives. All the PABA in creation is just going to add grease to the fire.
Freon is such a gaseous substance and, although displaced by animal flatulence and banned by misinformed enviro-nazis, it’s still the best hope we have against UV death. It has a pleasant lemony scent and when sprayed through a nozzle it dissolves soap scum, fights mildew, and deodorizes even the most offensive sneakers. No, we’re all going to be burnt to a crisp by UV radiation unless we get smart and let Freon back into our lives. All the PABA in creation is just going to add grease to the fire.Male Cockroaches
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/14/2014
Is it true that all cockroaches are male? If so, is that why I can’t kill them in my microwave oven?
———- from John Janssen of Dallas, TX
If you want cockroaches that are really crisp and tasty, as well as dead, then you need to use a combination microwave and convection oven. Don’t bother using large doses of radioactivity, because cockroaches are immune to that sort of thing, though there are some cockroach fanciers who think a large dose of alpha rays does improve taste, imparting a ‘nutty’ flavor. There’s a female a capella group called ‘The Roaches’, but they aren’t true roaches, just women with a chip on their shoulder and a gripe against Louden Wainwright, Jr.
If you want cockroaches that are really crisp and tasty, as well as dead, then you need to use a combination microwave and convection oven. Don’t bother using large doses of radioactivity, because cockroaches are immune to that sort of thing, though there are some cockroach fanciers who think a large dose of alpha rays does improve taste, imparting a ‘nutty’ flavor. There’s a female a capella group called ‘The Roaches’, but they aren’t true roaches, just women with a chip on their shoulder and a gripe against Louden Wainwright, Jr.Serving Sizes
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/12/2014
How come on a 12oz can of diet coke, the serving size is ‘one can’, which is 12oz, but on a 20 oz bottle of the same beverage, there are 2.5 servings per bottle, making the serving size 8 oz.?
———- from Jackie Klem of Arlington, VA
Over-careful reading of product labels qualifies as an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Serving sizes are smaller in the bottled version because people who buy bottles have smaller mouths. Australians have the largest mouths of any human, and that’s why their beer cans are so enormous. The more evolved creatures have smaller mouths, culminating in the wee little orifice of your average Irishman, a mere gash between his or her cheeks – just big enough to wedge a pint or two or three of something nourishing. So take a tip from the Australians and the Irish and ignore those labels on what you’re drinking.
Over-careful reading of product labels qualifies as an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Serving sizes are smaller in the bottled version because people who buy bottles have smaller mouths. Australians have the largest mouths of any human, and that’s why their beer cans are so enormous. The more evolved creatures have smaller mouths, culminating in the wee little orifice of your average Irishman, a mere gash between his or her cheeks – just big enough to wedge a pint or two or three of something nourishing. So take a tip from the Australians and the Irish and ignore those labels on what you’re drinking. Country Music Played Backwards
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/10/2014
Is it true that if I play country music backwards that my lost dog will find his way back home, the finance company will return my repossessed truck, and my wife will stop the divorce proceedings?
———- from Richard Brewer of Greeneville, Tennessee
Sure, believe that if it helps. I spent a few months once playing the same Carly Simon album backwards, trying to see if it was really Frank Sinatra playing some kind of practical joke. I guess the joke was on me, because I ended up strapped to a bed in a padded room, with some orderly coming in every few minutes asking me if I knew where I was. For some reason, the only words I could utter were Scoo Bee Doo Bee Doo, and it took a team of lawyers to get me out of there. So go ahead, do your little experiment, if you’re willing to suffer the possible consequences.
Sure, believe that if it helps. I spent a few months once playing the same Carly Simon album backwards, trying to see if it was really Frank Sinatra playing some kind of practical joke. I guess the joke was on me, because I ended up strapped to a bed in a padded room, with some orderly coming in every few minutes asking me if I knew where I was. For some reason, the only words I could utter were Scoo Bee Doo Bee Doo, and it took a team of lawyers to get me out of there. So go ahead, do your little experiment, if you’re willing to suffer the possible consequences.Legal Size Paper
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/07/2014
Why do lawyers use legal size paper? Why don’t other professionals have their own paper sizes?
———- from Larry Blake of Ardsley, NY
Barristers like to call paper sized eight and a half by fourteen the ‘billable page’. The extra length allows them to add up their hourly total while working on the document itself. This aspect of multi-tasking pre-dates the computer. Physicians use those little prescription pads, usually with an imprint of their name and address, so they can better be stolen by drug addicts. The idea behind their minuscule size is that writing the prescription is an afterthought, something done hastily on a small pad so as not to detract from the real work of every physicians, which is ascertaining your insurance coverage.
Barristers like to call paper sized eight and a half by fourteen the ‘billable page’. The extra length allows them to add up their hourly total while working on the document itself. This aspect of multi-tasking pre-dates the computer. Physicians use those little prescription pads, usually with an imprint of their name and address, so they can better be stolen by drug addicts. The idea behind their minuscule size is that writing the prescription is an afterthought, something done hastily on a small pad so as not to detract from the real work of every physicians, which is ascertaining your insurance coverage.