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Ignoring Chain Letters
Posted by Dr. Science on 06/14/2013
On a daily basis I delete 2-3 chain letters sent to me by various ‘friends’and none of the nasty things written in them ever happens to me. Why is this?
———- from Mike Davidson ofBenicia, CA
Just wait, they’ll happen and probably all at once. Just as there’s a lag time between sending a message and receiving it, so does the karmic retribution in store for those who ignore warnings about breaking a chain letter, even the e-mail variety, take its own sweet time. But just as surely as summer follows spring, your punishment will manifest when you least expect it. You’ll be dancing with Julia Roberts at the Ritz Carlton when the chandelier above you suddenly breaks lose. They’ll have to sedate Julia and the Ritz will go so far as to pay your funeral expenses. Sure, go ahead, keep deleting that chain mail.
Just wait, they’ll happen and probably all at once. Just as there’s a lag time between sending a message and receiving it, so does the karmic retribution in store for those who ignore warnings about breaking a chain letter, even the e-mail variety, take its own sweet time. But just as surely as summer follows spring, your punishment will manifest when you least expect it. You’ll be dancing with Julia Roberts at the Ritz Carlton when the chandelier above you suddenly breaks lose. They’ll have to sedate Julia and the Ritz will go so far as to pay your funeral expenses. Sure, go ahead, keep deleting that chain mail.Computer Performance
Posted by Dr. Science on 06/12/2013
I bought a 28.8 modem to access AOL, but the pages don’t seem to download any faster. Should I get a faster computer?
———- from Rebecca Schwartz of Putney, VT
Of course you should. So many of our personal problems would be solved if only we had a faster clock, more memory and the love of a good man or woman. You can buy all three, but they don’t last. Within a couple of years, your CPU chip will be hopelessly out of date, you won’t have enough memory to run the latest software, and that trial separation will have turned into the real thing. That’s why I’ve stuck with my TRS-80. It keeps me focused on process, rather than technology. Oh sure, I remember the rush of excitement when I upgraded from my Commodore 64. But it didn’t last. Within weeks I was taking the new one for granted. That’s just human nature.
Of course you should. So many of our personal problems would be solved if only we had a faster clock, more memory and the love of a good man or woman. You can buy all three, but they don’t last. Within a couple of years, your CPU chip will be hopelessly out of date, you won’t have enough memory to run the latest software, and that trial separation will have turned into the real thing. That’s why I’ve stuck with my TRS-80. It keeps me focused on process, rather than technology. Oh sure, I remember the rush of excitement when I upgraded from my Commodore 64. But it didn’t last. Within weeks I was taking the new one for granted. That’s just human nature. Spray Can Navals
Posted by Dr. Science on 06/10/2013
What is the purpose of the little round spot on the cap of a spray can?
———- from June Montgomery of San Luis Obispo, CA
Those are spray can cap navals, where the umbilical cord connected during their larval stage as thimbles. Like most of creation, nowadays they’re fed growth hormones, steroids which cause them to reach maturity in a fraction of the time it used to take. Consequently, those little round spots are often still quite sore and if you touch them roughly, you may end up with a spray can that sputters, spurts, dribbles and drip. Some of these angry blowhards will even spray you in the eye if given half a chance.
Wrecking Oyters
Posted by Dr. Science on 06/07/2013
I’ve consulted many dictionaries, I have been unable to find out what an OYTER is. I’ve heard people say they have to “wreck an oyter”. What do they mean by this?
———- from Gladys M. Peterson of Missoula, MT
Many people who share your disability and simply cannot spell are quite bitter about their lot in life. Also, those with the speech impediment that prohibit them from voicing the letter “s”, share and foster these feelings of self pity and anger. Vandalism against oysters and other shellfish are a daily occurance in our coastal cities. Instead of jailing these hooligans, we should offer them classes in speech therapy and remedial spelling. If you’re one of these disenfranchised few, do all of us a favor and get help.
Head Bobbing
Posted by Dr. Science on 06/05/2013
I’ve heard that pigeons “bob” their heads when they walk in order to help them see better. Could I expand my vision with a little “head bobbing”?
———- from Sydney Sloan of Mt. Shasta, CA
