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Red Hair and Tempers
Posted by Dr. Science on 09/16/2013
Why is it that auburn haired people, women especially, are renowned for having firey tempers? Is this true and how can an ordinary Englishman deal with it?
———- from Craig of Burnley, Lancashire
The woman you’re referring to is no doubt of Irish ancestry. Her temper may have something to do with the fact that you’re English. Have you ever heard of Oliver Cromwell? How about the Easter Rising? Remember, the Irish may not have much of an army, but they do have their memories and those are especially well-developed when it comes to resentment. One of Ireland’s greatest Harbors is the Harbor of Grudge, and it was from the Irish that the Sicilians borrowed the phrase “Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold.” If I were you, I’d get a new girlfriend.
The woman you’re referring to is no doubt of Irish ancestry. Her temper may have something to do with the fact that you’re English. Have you ever heard of Oliver Cromwell? How about the Easter Rising? Remember, the Irish may not have much of an army, but they do have their memories and those are especially well-developed when it comes to resentment. One of Ireland’s greatest Harbors is the Harbor of Grudge, and it was from the Irish that the Sicilians borrowed the phrase “Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold.” If I were you, I’d get a new girlfriend. Our Spinning Earth
Posted by Dr. Science on 09/13/2013
I have been taught that the earth spins about on its axis at the rate of 700 mph every day and the earth spins around the sun at the rate of 365 day-rotations per year. Could this spinning explain why I get dizzy when trying to write letters? Or read them?
———- from Ted Ward of Pacifica, California
Sure the earth is spinning, the solar system is sliding toward some black hole at the center of the galaxy, and even the galaxy is jetting along at some impossible speeds away from Big Bang Central. So what? You can’t spend your whole life blaming outside circumstances for the problems created by your tortured psyche! Inability to read and write are often signs of a vitamin deficiency, or a defective character. In either case, it isn’t the solar system’s fault. Besides, some people work hard at getting and staying dizzy. Maybe you should learn to accept and even enjoy your present circumstances.
Sure the earth is spinning, the solar system is sliding toward some black hole at the center of the galaxy, and even the galaxy is jetting along at some impossible speeds away from Big Bang Central. So what? You can’t spend your whole life blaming outside circumstances for the problems created by your tortured psyche! Inability to read and write are often signs of a vitamin deficiency, or a defective character. In either case, it isn’t the solar system’s fault. Besides, some people work hard at getting and staying dizzy. Maybe you should learn to accept and even enjoy your present circumstances. Programming in the Dark
Posted by Dr. Science on 09/11/2013
When I write computer programs I leave the window blinds open and the lights turned on. Many of my colleagues, however, keep the blinds closed and the lights off. Do they know something I don’t, or is there something wrong with me?
———- from David Crowe of Des Moines, IA
You live in Des Moines, don’t you? There’s one strike against you. That’s in Iowa, right? Two strikes. You don’t say what kind of programming you’re doing, but I imagine it’s incredibly mundane, mind-numbingly tedious, and of no interest to anyone, so you don’t have to worry about closing the blinds to keep prying eyes off your monitor. Corporate espionage can be a problem, but probably not in Des Moines, and certainly not in your case. I’m sure frozen pork belly futures are a fascinating conversation starter in a certain crowd, but the rest of the nation has better things to talk about, like last night’s drive-by shooting, or this week’s serial killer. Maybe your co-workers are vampires and prefer working in the dark. Keep your collar buttoned, just in case.
You live in Des Moines, don’t you? There’s one strike against you. That’s in Iowa, right? Two strikes. You don’t say what kind of programming you’re doing, but I imagine it’s incredibly mundane, mind-numbingly tedious, and of no interest to anyone, so you don’t have to worry about closing the blinds to keep prying eyes off your monitor. Corporate espionage can be a problem, but probably not in Des Moines, and certainly not in your case. I’m sure frozen pork belly futures are a fascinating conversation starter in a certain crowd, but the rest of the nation has better things to talk about, like last night’s drive-by shooting, or this week’s serial killer. Maybe your co-workers are vampires and prefer working in the dark. Keep your collar buttoned, just in case. The Speed of Light in Montana
Posted by Dr. Science on 09/09/2013
Who set the speed limit of light? Is it different in Montana?
———- from Jeff Veyera of Misawa Air Base, Japan
Sure it is. Everything’s different in Montana. Those people just don’t think the way you and I do. If a Montanan wants to protest a parking ticket, he builds a bunker in a remote hillside, holes up there with a year’s supply of crackers and water, and waits for someone to track him down. This sort of rugged individualism guarantees that in Montana the speed of light is a matter of personal choice. Sometimes it’s slower than the speed of sound, sometimes it zips around like a teflon-tipped bullet. I’ve never actually been to Montana, but I hear that’s what it’s like. Real unpredictable.
Sure it is. Everything’s different in Montana. Those people just don’t think the way you and I do. If a Montanan wants to protest a parking ticket, he builds a bunker in a remote hillside, holes up there with a year’s supply of crackers and water, and waits for someone to track him down. This sort of rugged individualism guarantees that in Montana the speed of light is a matter of personal choice. Sometimes it’s slower than the speed of sound, sometimes it zips around like a teflon-tipped bullet. I’ve never actually been to Montana, but I hear that’s what it’s like. Real unpredictable. Women and Lingerie
Posted by Dr. Science on 09/06/2013
Where can I find a poster of an attractive red haired woman in lingerie?
———- from Shawn ofFolsom, CA
My third wife was such a person, although I could never get her to stand still long enough for me to photograph her in her lingerie. She was one of those unfortunates who suffer from acute chronic…whatchamacallit. Even a pot of java would send her scrambling all over the place, cleaning, organizing, discarding my most important papers, defacing my carefully constructed three dimensional models of exotic fungi…I once bought her a discount version of those high priced peekaboo french watchamacallits, but she refused to wear the thing. Instead, I wore it, under my labcoat, to a costume party. Won first place, if memory serves. So, I wish I could help out, but I can’t. Good luck finding your poster!
My third wife was such a person, although I could never get her to stand still long enough for me to photograph her in her lingerie. She was one of those unfortunates who suffer from acute chronic…whatchamacallit. Even a pot of java would send her scrambling all over the place, cleaning, organizing, discarding my most important papers, defacing my carefully constructed three dimensional models of exotic fungi…I once bought her a discount version of those high priced peekaboo french watchamacallits, but she refused to wear the thing. Instead, I wore it, under my labcoat, to a costume party. Won first place, if memory serves. So, I wish I could help out, but I can’t. Good luck finding your poster!