Dangers of Windows 95

Can using Windows 95 in 1997 cause a rift in the space time continuum?

———- from Zachary Klaas of Hamburg, Germany

Yes. and that was the intention of its developers. True progress only happens when someone introduces a little wrinkle into the warp and whoof of the space time continuum, which is actually less like a continuum and more like a very large sheet treated with one of those no-wrinkle coatings that smell like paint. By the way, if you press Control, Alt, Delete, Shift, and F7 at the same time, your computer will give birth to several Radio Shack TRS-80’s, which you can sell at a garage sale to support your computer addiction.