Dr. Science’s Beard
What kind of creatures live in your beard?
———- from Betty Lou Brown of Boonk, KY
It varies. Sometimes they’re just simple paramecia, although every now and then an amebic colony makes its home in my facial upholstery. I used to try to keep a sterile environment under that masculine rug, but soon gave up fighting a losing battle and simply made my visitors welcome, provided they stayed out of my mouth and nasal orifices. Once, after an especially long nap, I awoke to find a family of ferrets nesting just below my chin. Having had some unpleasant experiences with wild ferrets, I knew that it would be best to move very slowly until I could submerge my entire head in a bath of liquid fluorine. That took care of them, and my beard has had a pleasant greenish tinge ever since.
It varies. Sometimes they’re just simple paramecia, although every now and then an amebic colony makes its home in my facial upholstery. I used to try to keep a sterile environment under that masculine rug, but soon gave up fighting a losing battle and simply made my visitors welcome, provided they stayed out of my mouth and nasal orifices. Once, after an especially long nap, I awoke to find a family of ferrets nesting just below my chin. Having had some unpleasant experiences with wild ferrets, I knew that it would be best to move very slowly until I could submerge my entire head in a bath of liquid fluorine. That took care of them, and my beard has had a pleasant greenish tinge ever since. 