Computer Virus Antibiotics

Sometimes my computer runs so slowly. I think there must be a virus of some kind that’s infected my operating system. Is there anyway I can give my computer an antibiotic?

———- from Barbara Burton of St. Louis MO

First of all, antibiotics affect bacteria. Nothing affects a virus except plenty of liquids and bed rest. I haven’t run the diagnostic tests, but I imagince your computer’s sluggishness has more to do wtih the quality of electrons you’re using. Are you using a surge protector? Often, they eliminate the zestiest, most energetic electrons, passing along the Johnny-come-lately sluggards and truly negative-charged electrons. Your power company may even be selling you used electrons. You could fire off an angry letter to the editor, demanding a congressional investigation and see if that helps. Of course if you want to fire off the letter, you might need to use a typewriter, if your computer’s as slow as you say it is.