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A Mercurial Attitude
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/12/2012
Why is barometric pressure given in inches of mercury?
———- from Hugh Grant of Ardmore, PA
Back in the 1840’s, when barometric pressure was first discovered, it was considered vulgar to make a direct statement about the laws of nature. The phases of the moon were called “Lunar Melancholic Waning” and even rainfall was referred to as “The Lamentations of the Firmament.” Everyone was a long-winded poet, including Gilbert Shelton, the English amateur meteorologist, who coined the metaphor “Mercuric Altitude” to describe his mental condition just before a storm. Today, even when half the nation is on anti-depressants, we continue this proud tradition.
Back in the 1840’s, when barometric pressure was first discovered, it was considered vulgar to make a direct statement about the laws of nature. The phases of the moon were called “Lunar Melancholic Waning” and even rainfall was referred to as “The Lamentations of the Firmament.” Everyone was a long-winded poet, including Gilbert Shelton, the English amateur meteorologist, who coined the metaphor “Mercuric Altitude” to describe his mental condition just before a storm. Today, even when half the nation is on anti-depressants, we continue this proud tradition. Life in an Aquarium
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/09/2012
What is behind the disease in aquarium fish called “Malawi Bloat” an almost 100% fatal systemic infection of the gut?
———- from James Martin of Northhampton, MA
That would be chronic boredom. You see, most fish are actually quite intelligent, and the prospect of swimming back and forth inside a tiny tank, zipping by an occasional fake coral, or miniature castle, encourages an ennui otherwise known only to insurance salesmen and graduate students. Fish who are so afflicted deliberately gulp anything floating in the tank, in the hopes of inducing Malawi Bloat. Some even practice floating on their backs. Lucky fish are re-incarnated as hamsters. Unlucky ones, as turtles.
That would be chronic boredom. You see, most fish are actually quite intelligent, and the prospect of swimming back and forth inside a tiny tank, zipping by an occasional fake coral, or miniature castle, encourages an ennui otherwise known only to insurance salesmen and graduate students. Fish who are so afflicted deliberately gulp anything floating in the tank, in the hopes of inducing Malawi Bloat. Some even practice floating on their backs. Lucky fish are re-incarnated as hamsters. Unlucky ones, as turtles. The Truth About Laser Beams
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/07/2012
What is a laser beam made of?
———- from Lauren Grace of Toledo, OH
Normal light is comprised of zillions of photons. Laser light is made of futons, which are fat, stuffed photons with a zipper down the side. Some have a foam core and these are often mistakenly referred to as mu mesons, which is just a fancy oriental term for futon. As in retail advertising, Science often gives the prosaic a new name to make it seem like things are really happening when, in fact, everyone is just playing Tetris on their office computers and waiting for lunch.
Normal light is comprised of zillions of photons. Laser light is made of futons, which are fat, stuffed photons with a zipper down the side. Some have a foam core and these are often mistakenly referred to as mu mesons, which is just a fancy oriental term for futon. As in retail advertising, Science often gives the prosaic a new name to make it seem like things are really happening when, in fact, everyone is just playing Tetris on their office computers and waiting for lunch. Shooting Milk Out Your Nose
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/05/2012
Why is it so funny when milk accidentally shoots out your nose?
———- from Tony Guzman of Beaverton, OR
It isn’t funny, it’s tragic. It’s a waste of good milk and a violation of the integrity of your nasal mucosa. I once fired a lab assistant you spewed milk at me that way. He claimed it was an involuntary reaction to a knock knock joke, but I knew better. He was actually making an anti-intellectual statement, dismissing and demeaning everything Science stood for. I took it as a slap in the face, albeit a wet one. There’s nothing accidental about nasal dairy projection.
It isn’t funny, it’s tragic. It’s a waste of good milk and a violation of the integrity of your nasal mucosa. I once fired a lab assistant you spewed milk at me that way. He claimed it was an involuntary reaction to a knock knock joke, but I knew better. He was actually making an anti-intellectual statement, dismissing and demeaning everything Science stood for. I took it as a slap in the face, albeit a wet one. There’s nothing accidental about nasal dairy projection. Colors
Posted by Dr. Science on 11/02/2012
If you tell someone an object is yellow, how do you know that they actually perceive it to be yellow, and not some other color that they have always tagged with the word yellow?
———- from Kevin Branderburg of Normal, IL
How do you know that you’re even perceiving yellow the same way, time after time, day after day? Maybe your internal color filter is failing, along with your general health and your tenuous grasp on reality? If you’re wearing those over-priced amber sunglasses and you look at a blue object, chances are it will seem black. Is it black, or should you buy a more expensive pair of sunglasses? Do objects even have color, without someone to perceive it? If I were you, I’d worry less about what others are seeing, and keep the focus on myself.
How do you know that you’re even perceiving yellow the same way, time after time, day after day? Maybe your internal color filter is failing, along with your general health and your tenuous grasp on reality? If you’re wearing those over-priced amber sunglasses and you look at a blue object, chances are it will seem black. Is it black, or should you buy a more expensive pair of sunglasses? Do objects even have color, without someone to perceive it? If I were you, I’d worry less about what others are seeing, and keep the focus on myself. 