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Cartoon Airplane Theory
Posted by Dr. Science on 08/04/2014
I once saw a Bugs Bunny cartoon where an airplane was going to crash, you know, but it ran out of gas before it hit the ground and that prevented it from crashing. Could this really happen?
———- from Penny ofSky King Ranch, Arizona
Yes, Penny, it happens all the time. Only the airlines don’t like to admit they’ve taken advantage of this unique property of nature known as the “Second Chance of Aviation.” Cartoonists, on the other hand, take poetic licence freely, being unconstricted by either the natural laws of science or the FAA. So rest assured that the airlines cannot deliberately use poetic licence as a normal practice. But the next time you hear a stewardess speaking in couplets, fasten your seat belt. Just in case, of course.
Yes, Penny, it happens all the time. Only the airlines don’t like to admit they’ve taken advantage of this unique property of nature known as the “Second Chance of Aviation.” Cartoonists, on the other hand, take poetic licence freely, being unconstricted by either the natural laws of science or the FAA. So rest assured that the airlines cannot deliberately use poetic licence as a normal practice. But the next time you hear a stewardess speaking in couplets, fasten your seat belt. Just in case, of course.Ballpark Figures
Posted by Dr. Science on 08/01/2014
When my boss asks me for a “ballpark figure”, what figure should I give him?
———- from Pedro Rodriguez ofEl Paso, Texas
Your boss is probably more scientifically astute than you are. When he asks you for data in these forms, he’s utilizing principles of Statistics. Specifically, he’s referring to Indeterminacy and Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle. These principles are the foundation on which is based the uncertain future of our modern world. So, the next time he asks you for a “guesstimate”, round off to the nearest significant figure and show him you’ve got your head screwed on right, statistically speaking. As for ballparks, tell him you’ll have to travel to Denver, Cleveland, Baltimore or Chicago’s Wrigley Field. Now those are real ballpark figures. Unless they’ve raised the price of popcorn over 50 cents, that is.
Your boss is probably more scientifically astute than you are. When he asks you for data in these forms, he’s utilizing principles of Statistics. Specifically, he’s referring to Indeterminacy and Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle. These principles are the foundation on which is based the uncertain future of our modern world. So, the next time he asks you for a “guesstimate”, round off to the nearest significant figure and show him you’ve got your head screwed on right, statistically speaking. As for ballparks, tell him you’ll have to travel to Denver, Cleveland, Baltimore or Chicago’s Wrigley Field. Now those are real ballpark figures. Unless they’ve raised the price of popcorn over 50 cents, that is.Gyros Philosophy
Posted by Dr. Science on 07/30/2014
Is it pronounced gyros or Geeros? Are gyros really Greek sandwiches? If not, how do they work in airplanes?
———- from Jeff Huber ofMinneapolis, MN
The Geeros you refer to is a slab of moldy lamb rotating slowly under a sunlamp. This bacteria-infested meat packing waste product is sold to college students in midwestern towns as an exotic alternative to the hamburger. A laser gyroscope does have certain similarities to the geeros. It, too, rotates under a beam of light, is potentially lethal, and is probably not worth what you pay for it. There the similarity ends. As a general rule, I would advise you to stay away from rocket guidance equipment when you’re hungry. Maybe I’d change my tune if those Greek guys hadn’t fired me for thinking about things and avoiding serving those whiney customers back in my college days. Sigh, those days…
The Geeros you refer to is a slab of moldy lamb rotating slowly under a sunlamp. This bacteria-infested meat packing waste product is sold to college students in midwestern towns as an exotic alternative to the hamburger. A laser gyroscope does have certain similarities to the geeros. It, too, rotates under a beam of light, is potentially lethal, and is probably not worth what you pay for it. There the similarity ends. As a general rule, I would advise you to stay away from rocket guidance equipment when you’re hungry. Maybe I’d change my tune if those Greek guys hadn’t fired me for thinking about things and avoiding serving those whiney customers back in my college days. Sigh, those days…Battery Charging
Posted by Dr. Science on 07/28/2014
Brr, Dr. Science. It’s cold here tonight and my battery’s dead. So can I charge my dead car battery with Visa?
———- from L. Dean Brandt ofPostville, Iowa
You can but the results might not be what you hoped for. Instead of your car starting, you could end up with a cheap dining room set from J.C. Penneys, a new suit of clothes, a set of Time/Life books or a K-Tel anthology of Olivia Newton-John’s greatest hits. If I were you, I’d stick to jumper cables. They’re much more effective on a cold winter morning, and the interest isn’t compounded at 19.8%. Postville? I believe I had a delightful breakfast there once, perhaps because someone else was paying for it. Thank you, whoever you were or are, for that matter.
You can but the results might not be what you hoped for. Instead of your car starting, you could end up with a cheap dining room set from J.C. Penneys, a new suit of clothes, a set of Time/Life books or a K-Tel anthology of Olivia Newton-John’s greatest hits. If I were you, I’d stick to jumper cables. They’re much more effective on a cold winter morning, and the interest isn’t compounded at 19.8%. Postville? I believe I had a delightful breakfast there once, perhaps because someone else was paying for it. Thank you, whoever you were or are, for that matter.Stroking Beard Syndrome
Posted by Dr. Science on 07/25/2014
Why do so many scientists have beards? And why are they always stroking them?
———- from Michael Keene ofHonolulu, Hawaii
Male scientists, as a rule, are mssing that portion of the skull from the mouth down. Scientists stroke their beards to stimulate the production of the hormone “Barbisone,” an odifoerous pherome that’s the basis for the scent used in the aftershave, “Aqua Velva.” This hormone stimulates dedutive ability, giving the scientist someting to do with his hand that is not destructive to him or the rest of us. Be thankful.
Male scientists, as a rule, are mssing that portion of the skull from the mouth down. Scientists stroke their beards to stimulate the production of the hormone “Barbisone,” an odifoerous pherome that’s the basis for the scent used in the aftershave, “Aqua Velva.” This hormone stimulates dedutive ability, giving the scientist someting to do with his hand that is not destructive to him or the rest of us. Be thankful. 